BEDID - Day 17 - Mom's Gay Friends, Part 2

Got a question or topic you want to see blogged in December? Email me or post it here.

Sorry guys, been taking care of a couple family emergencies that have popped up this week. =(

Anyway, back to business. The other day, I mentioned my mom has two close gay friends she keeps in close contact with, the first being Elaine, and the other being her friend Chuck. Chuck is around her age, and is in a committed relationship with another man. My mom and Chuck started out as gym buddies about twenty years ago, and still keep in touch with each other pretty frequently.

Now, my memories of Chuck are hazy; I was still a little kid when my sister, dad and I would meet my mom, Chuck and the rest of their gym friends after their workout, so most of the story I tell here is hearsay from my mom. Despite this, Chuck's story is important to me because I can tell my mom draws parallels between him and I. For one, Chuck and I are both pretty masculine guys. My mom never really knew Chuck was gay the entire time she knew him, and she didn't really have any reason to; Chuck liked his cars, watching hockey, and all that. It wasn't till he invited her to his commitment ceremony that she really figured it out. My sister still remembers my mom struggling to explain what a commitment ceremony was to her eight-year old self.

Besides that, since I've come out, she's aware of the difficulty and I guess fear? of meeting other gay guys, especially outside of the bar scene. One of the stories she reminds me of is how Chuck used to park his car downtown, walk around one of the records stores downtown, head up to one of the gay bars, then head straight back to his car before he even got in. Eventually, Chuck got over his fears, and has been with his partner for at least fifteen years now, so it's a reminder that it's all doable.

I know part of the reason my mom tells me about Chuck is out of genuine concern for me. I know one of the concerns a lot of queer parents have for their children is the adversity that we inevitably face out in the world, and I suppose telling me about Chuck and his story is her way of trying to protect me and keep me from becoming discouraged navigating through this whole gay thing. I'm pretty lucky in that I have someone who is willing to support and lookout for me in that sense. In some ways, I've learned a lot about myself and the LGBTQ community and I'm ready to take the challenges on. In others though, I feel pretty unprepared and clueless...so I guess it's nice to know at least I've got support to fall back on.  

Speaking of which, after their most recent and probably one of the most intimate coffees together, my mom suggested I add Chuck on Facebook to maybe arrange to go for coffee with him and listen to his experiences, or at the very least to creep him and see what his life is like. And I did. A part of me thinks that it might do me some good to meet up with him and hear what he has to say, but at the same time, I hate the idea of getting together for coffee with someone on the premise that "Hey, we're both gay!". I suppose it wouldn't hurt though...