BEDID - Day 10 - Mom's Gay Friends, Part 1

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Yes, I admit it, I'm a mama's boy. Embarrassing, but my mom's not the most uncool, pushy or naggy person in the world (at least most of the time). This also means we get to spend a lot of time together and she, along with my sister, are the more expressive ones of the family and so I get to hear a lot about what's going on in her life.

And yes, this means I hear about two of her closest friends, who happen to be gay. Elaine is a feisty, free-spirited lesbian from Newfoundland who travels all through Canada and the US in her motorhome with her dog (when she's not riding her Harley). She came out to my mom somewhere around 1980 when she was my mom's manager at a credit card company. My mom remembers going out to lunch with her and noticing that she was nervous and fidgety all through lunch. After she did, my mom being about 20 at the time, didn't really care and was sort of taken aback by Elaine's "Do...you have any questions?" at the end of her spiel...since it didn't really matter. I suppose Elaine had reason to be nervous, since it sounds to this day that her mother still won't address the fact that she's a lesbian, which is a shame.

When my mom outed me to Elaine, she didn't seem too concerned. I've got way more resources and the attitudes are way different, she had told my mom. Which is definitely true, however the unfortunate thing is, it seems like we still have more work to do. If everything and everyone were so accepting, I don't think I, other bloggers, or anyone else in the closet would have felt nervous like Elaine did to come out and have to hide their true self. And I suppose that's why I take an interest in Elaine's story. There's somewhat of a generation gap, and yet there are still elements that are the same. It's easier to come out, yes (we've got this blogging community, pride parades and LGBTQ community centres), but at the same time we still worry about having the support we need and be rejected by friends and family. Despite knowing Elaine's story before I came out, I still worried that I would be in Elaine's shoes where my parents wouldn't be okay with this. There's still a larger cultural stigma that exists and makes us play with our minds, so yes, there's definitely room for improvement. At the same time, we're making progress and both myself and Elaine have support from my mom that might not otherwise be there if it weren't for the bravery of Elaine's generation and those before her willing to speak up and express themselves. I think younger queers like myself owe it in part to folks like Elaine who came out in less accepting times and paved the way for the acceptance and support we have today. So if there is anybody of that generation and before reading, thank you. =)

Now, my mom's other close friend, Chuck, has a pretty interesting story and relevance to me...but then this post would be waaaay to long if I tried to fit it and all the commentary here, so I'll save that for another day soon.

In the meantime, go check out Ethan at The Ethansphere, whose also got plenty of great insights to check out =)