Part of the reason I decided to try and keep this blog going was because I really don’t have any other outlet to get all these thoughts and feelings out without out-ing myself to my friends. I’m not comfortable enough doing that just yet, plus I’m just not convinced that they would be able to comprehend the fears, neurosis and insecurities. Again, maybe I’m not giving them the benefit of the doubt, but at least this way, I know I can get thoughts about being confused off my chest without being judged or having to deal with the consequences (talking about it, losing their friendship, etc) of my friends knowing my secret. Brave of me, I know.
I wish I had that courage though. The closest gay friend I have is Derek, who I met through Brian back in high school. He’s an awesome guy to be around, I love how he’s so optimistic and cheerful about everything and likes to dream big. Anyway, he’s been out for a few years now (since the end of high school?) and I would say he leans towards the feminine side of the scale. Part of me is sort of eager to talk to him all about what I’ve been going through, what’s in my head, what’s on this blog, hell even just having someone to talk guys with would be cool!
