"None of them."
"Why? Not hot enough?"
"No."
"Were they dumb?"
"No."
"Too white? Not white enough?"
"No dude...they weren't guys."
It still baffles me that some people really have no clue that I'm gay. I guess it doesn't help that I tell stories like how I met the Twins, and everyone seems to put two and two together, giving me this kind of mischievous grin expecting me to tell this story of how I picked up one of them. Yeah, no.
Anyway, Kenny's my buddy from high school who moved to the middle of nowhere right around the time I first came out, and last weekend was only the second time he had been back in town since he had left 8 months ago. He's one of those people I thought needed to hear it coming from my own mouth, but since I wasn't out to anybody except Lindsay when he was back at Christmas, I hadn't gotten a chance or felt comfortable enough to tell him in person till now. So over breakfast, we were talking about what we were doing for the rest of the day, and I had plans to hang out with Nate and the Twins, and so of course I had to explain to him how we all met and thus the above conversation. I really don't think he believed me at first, since he had to ask me multiple times if I really was gay, but his tone also said he knew I wouldn't bullshit him like that, especially over something as important as my sexuality. He asked me the standard questions like everyone else, how long I knew, who else knew, and then proceeded to sit there and look into space for a good ten or fifteen seconds in silence. Then he looked at me and told me that he legitimately couldn't think of any instance that would have tipped him off, and that he was perfectly cool with it.
Maybe it's just me (and please let me know if it isn't!), but I don't really know if the coming out process will ever be truly seamless and not awkward. I've got a few coming out experiences under my belt now, and I would say this one was the most relaxed and smoothest so far. Yet, I guess since you're exposing such a personal and private part of yourself, I find it's really hard to follow-up in conversation after that. What are you supposed to talk about after that!? Cars, apparently for Kenny and I, but whatever. I suppose it's one of those things that just has to be done, it's awkward for a bit, and you move on, which it did pretty quickly for Kenny and I.
Anyway, that's another one off a now very short list. Really, there's only one more that I REALLY want to tell, and that's my pretty-openly-gay friend Derek.I'm curious to see what his reaction's going to be, because I have a feeling he's either A) going to flip out and be super excited or B) be all "Oh, I kind of figured that already" and just wave it off. Other than that, there's a few distant friends that I haven't seen in a while, but it's sort of a "need-to-know" basis now, when I see them and if it comes into conversation, I'm not going to lie and I'll tell them, very much like I did with Kenny.
I've got a few more stories to tell from the last little while, so I'm going to have to put my ass in gear and get those down too :) Until then guys, be yourselves!
