Lately my mood’s been pretty good, a little up and down, but decent. Despite that, I still made an appointment to go see my counsellor Liz next week. Now that the intake is over, I’m sort of curious and excited to really get down and try to figure out the root causes of all my insecurities and self-confidence issues. I don’t even know where I’m going to start, but as long as some good comes out of it, I’m still pumped. Part of me is still a little wary going into it though; I suppose it’s the fear of the unknown of what she’ll say or recommend, but fuck it, I’m going anyway.
I think I mentioned in passing that part of my anxiety of this whole counselling experience was over a friend of mine from the past. It’ll make sense in a second, but my biggest fear doing this is that I’m going to be diagnosed with depression, or passed onto a specialist for some deep digging into my problems. Anyway, Britney and I met back in science class back in the 9th grade. We really hit it off, we both felt really comfortable joking around with each other, we had a lot of common interests, and well...our personalities just clicked. At the highest point in our friendship, we used to talk to each other every day, had little inside jokes with each other, picked out the perfect Christmas gifts for each other and did stupid things like sing at the top of our lungs in the car along with each other. Now, I swear I’m not making this up, but like Lindsay, she had feelings for me that she made apparent a couple times throughout our friendship. And like Lindsay, thinking back on it now, I had (still have?) feelings for her too and I really should have gone for it, but there was a *little* secret, that I disguised in the “I like being friends” excuse that held me back. We eventually got past all that though, and always became best friends again.