I’m looking for some advice guys, as I’m sort of at a loss of what to do. Lindsay’s just graduated university, and she’s going to be moving back home overseas in July for an indefinite amount of time to be with her parents. I had a feeling for a few years now that this was coming, and it’s going to be hard to deal with, not being able to just go out and grab a coffee and talking the night away.
Now that her moving away is real, I’ve had to address some unresolved issues I have with her. There are still some unanswered questions about the night I came out to her, particularly why she was crying when I told her. I still think it might have to do with her letter...which, eight months later, we still haven’t talked about. I’m ready to talk about it now and I feel as if I need some closure.
The truth is, I really would have dated her if I had been physically attracted to her, hell, I even considered dating her even without the physical attraction. Looking back on it, I'm glad I didn't because it probably wouldn't have ended well and we would have never gotten to where we are today. In a way, I think she’s probably part of the reason why I was so confused for so long. It’s hard to explain without you guys knowing us, or giving a ton of personal examples, but we just click. We open up to each other and trust each other with everything, we have our inside jokes, we can recognize each other’s needs and have our routines together, and we understand each other. I know what I want out of a relationship thanks to Lindsay, and now it’s just a matter of finding that in a guy I’m attracted to.
I’d love to tell her all of this, but I don’t want to risk our relationship. What do I really have to gain out of telling her all this? We have a great friendship, and I know now that I’m not attracted to her, it's not going to go any further than that (pretty sure, anyway). I also know she already has her share of boy problems and moving related things to worry about, and I don’t want to torture her with this. Her being halfway across the world is probably going to test our relationship enough, and I don’t want to test it anymore and leave things where we get hurt or angry at each other.
I’m writing this post in the hopes that expressing this will be enough to let things go and be able to keep our friendship going business as usual, but I'm not sure. I really thought this part was behind me, that I had gotten through everything with her and our future as friends was going to be perfect. But I just have this annoying itch to let her know how I feel and desire to know what she was feeling that night. So, do I open up to her and let her know how I felt, or do I keep this to myself (and probably my closest buddies) and keep going about our friendship as we have the last few months?