BEDID - Day 23 - Quick Update

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Hey guys,

Sucks being so close to the holiday, but I got some unfortunate news this morning that my grandfather passed away. He had been diagnosed with a very rare form of Leukemia two years ago, and originally didn't have much time left after the diagnosis was given. Shortly afterwards, he was chosen to participate in a study testing a new chemo drug, and it worked, and he had been in remission up until about a two months ago. About two weeks ago, after a round of chemo, he had contracted pneumonia and ended up in the hospital. The last few weeks his condition fluctuated day-to-day (I had missed a few posts this month visiting him) till this morning when it finally got him. It's sad, but I had been preparing myself from the beginning (his original diagnosis only gave him a few weeks to live), and after seeing his condition in the hospital the last few weeks, I'm glad that his stay wasn't a long, drawn-out suffering. It's still not easy losing a grandparent, but I'll survive. R.I.P. Yeh Yeh

So, between supporting my family and visiting others for the holidays, I will try to get a few more BEDID posts done, although I can't guarantee anything. I definitely have more things to write and I'm really pumped to finish answering all your questions, so at te very least you'll hear from me in the New Year.

Hope you guys have a happy holiday!

- Matt

BEDID - Day 21 - You Ask, I Tell Part 4

Got a question or topic you want to see blogged in December? Email me or post it here.

Side note: We got a decent dump of snow in Vancouver this week (which is really rare!), and it's so pretty...when you don't have to go anywhere or do anything, LIKE FINISH YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING (sigh.). It's only now washing away, after I braved the snow to get to the malls, so I decided to grab a pic from my bedroom window (pardon the reflection from my light) before it's completely gone.

Anyway, since December is already coming to a close, and I still have more questions to answer...

Question from Explorer Jack:

I always like hearing "first time" stories. Tell us about your first time. With a girl or guy?  

Welp, colour me embarrassed =P (as if I wasn't after yesterday's post). I’m pretty sure I mentioned it at the beginning of the blog somewhere, but I’m a virgin. So unfortunately, there’s no big elaborate, steamy story…yet. Sorry. I can tell you that there’s a 99% chance it’ll be with a guy, although eventually I’d like to try a girl just to say I’ve been there and do one final check to see if that gay label sticks.

I spent a little too much time being paranoid and closeted to really care about losing my virginity, but regardless I always wanted it to be with someone special and not some random hookup. Part of it I’m sure comes from how I was raised, my parents were high school sweethearts and have probably instilled in me some a lot of that hopeless romanticness. And while they’re liberal about most things, sex isn’t one of them as far as I know (and honestly I DON’T WANT TO KNOW), so I’ve had to figure most things out on my own (thank you Internet.) For me, it’s not a big deal…I mean, I’ve spent 23 years without sex, what’s just a little longer for the right person?

That being said, I’ve got a lot of pent up sexual frustration, and I'm not ruling out the idea of a FWB...although emphasis on the F. And I’m not definitely not against a few random hookups maybe once the first relationship is out of the way. But as always, we will see. 

Sorry this answer any fun, but stayed tuned in the future =P.


Question from Ethan:

What personality does your dream man have, and what physical traits does he have?

Check this post =). But as an addendum…

 Also from Ethan:

What do you find sexy in a man, like particular accents, behaviours, looks, how someone moves, what they do etc.? I like the german accent for some reason, and the West Australian accent.

In terms of looks, even though I really dislike facial hair, I’m a sucker for a scruffy looking guy (The first four days of Movember WERE GREAT). I also have a weakness for guys in business wear (I’m not talking suits or anything, but dress shirt, tie). I don’t know how they do it, but dress pants really seem to highlight some guys’ asses REALLY nicely. This was really bad for the last few months when I had to cut through the financial district downtown to get to my internship, it made it really difficult to watch where I was going sometimes =P .

As for behaviours, talents are always sexy. First one that pops into my head is musicality. If you can write a song for me and play it on a guitar, I’m all yours. Second one that comes to mind is cooking or baking. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and I’m no exception :P . Cook me breakfast in bed and I’ll never leave your side. Being a cute beach volleyball player is really kinda sexy…there’s something about the beach, board shorts and spiking a ball that’s really hot. In a personality sense, being cute and funny is always sexy. And when I mean cute, I mean for a guy to soften up a bit and be a little bit vulnerable mixed with being a dork or silly. Confidence is always huge, if you can carry yourself well, I can appreciate that.

As for accents, I’m sorry to admit I’m the ignorant North American, so I wasn’t aware there was a difference between Australian accents, and I had to Youtube it =P. Both the Western and Southern (did I get that right?) accents are pretty sexy…please don’t force me to choose! I also find Caribbean/Jamaican and Brazilian accents really hot.

As always, be yourselves guys and have fun out there!

BEDID - Day 20 - Manscaping

Got a question or topic you want to see blogged in December? Email me or post it here.

Hmmmm...Post #69...

So I saw that Kevin over at Out-Yet not so Proud got himself a little something recently, and while not nearly as scandalous, I thought I'd share in his pride and talk about a little treat I picked up for myself...

No, I don't have a boyfriend, so obviously I need to keep it nice and neat down there since there's tons of action going on... =P No matter though, I can still appreciate how I look down there, and recently I decided that I wanted to do something about it since I was, uh, looking kinda scraggly.

For the record, I've tried shaving before, and I have a few beefs with doing it. First, personally, I'm not a big fan of the completely shaved look, it's a little too Ken doll-like. Second and probably most obviously, the idea of nicking yourself down there is fucking scary. Thank goodness the couple times I've done it, I've gotten away without injuring myself down there...blood freaks me out enough as it is, I don't even want to think about bleeding down there. Third, it is true, it does get very itchy down there after shaving, especially the first time you do it. Try being in class and trying to satisfy the itch discretely (or not, guess it depends on you) and constantly...it sucks. What do I do, do I test myself mentally and not scratch? Pretend to shift my pants? Dig my hands deep into my pockets like I'm looking for my phone? Or maybe slump over my desk and make sure nobody's looking? Eff that. Lastly, having to shave constantly and risk all this on a regular basis? No thanks.

And so I decided to invest in this:

It's a Phillips Bodygroom Plus BG2036 body shaver, specifically designed to groom hair below the neck. It has three different comb lengths, a handle extender to do your back (which I won't need), charging dock and cleaning brush. Battery life is supposedly 50 minutes for a 1 hour charge, although I haven't been able to test it yet (I'm not that bad down there, thankfully). You're also able to use it dry or with water, so you can add to the list of activities you can do down there in the shower! 

I like it already. It's pretty gentle, doesn't tug or anything, although you have to be careful not to dig the comb into your skin at certain angles. I tried the comb with the shortest hair length first, and while it looks nice and neat, it's a little too short for my taste. Thankfully it's hair and it will grow in, although I may have to try the next length up next time and see if that's any better. So far, no itch (although the length is a little prickly against certain areas) and definitely no blood. It's pretty easy to clean too, just pop the comb off, rinse that, then pop the head off and rinse that too, then brush away any remaining hair. Overall, I'm pretty happy, but enough about me: 

So what about you guys? Manscaping a yes or a no? What are your personal grooming needs? Any preferred methods or advice??

And PS. Before you ask, NO I AM NOT POSTING PICS. I try really hard to keep the adult warning off my blog, thank you very much. God, I can already tell I'm going to regret this post tomorrow.

BEDID - Day 18 - The Gay BFF

Got a question or topic you want to see blogged in December? Email me or post it here.

I've gotta say, I've really enjoyed writing these Blog-Everyday-In-December posts. I've covered a lot of topics I didn't get around to during the busy semester, so I'm really glad I've gotten the chance to make up for lost time. And since we're more than halfway through the month, please don't hesitate to ask any questions about what I've written. Use the links above!

Anyhoo, one of the ways I've accepted being gay is taking on the role of Gay BFF for my straight female friends. And there's a few basic duties that I take on as Gay BFF for my girlfriends, which includes checking out other dudes and reaffirming their assessments (or not). It's a lot like what straight guys do with their buddies, my girlfriends and I point out cute guys with each other and size up their, uh, assets. It first started with Lindsay, since apparently we both like to objectify guys like that, checking out dudes in coffee shops and while stuck in traffic. After I came out to my friend Veronica, her, Lindsay and I spent a good hour or so giving ratings to dudes on tapthatguy.com. And it's only expanded to other friends and more frequently from there =P Sorry hot straight dudes of the world, gotta even out the world somehow.

Being a Gay BFF also means being a shoulder-to-cry on and offer the guys' perspective on everything. I'm trusted to hear about all the fun things guys try to do to try and impress my girlfriends' and offer reasons why guys say and do certain things to annoy them. I've also given breakup advice, even though I have no experience in that arena myself =P Not to say that they couldn't trust me before (I've been told I have this soothing, trustworthiness to me), but I'm finding I've gotten to hear more about these sort of incidents ever since I've come out, and I'm more than happy to oblige with my help.

I also make sure to compliment my girlfriends' appearance. A bit of a throwback to a question from Ethan, as a masc dude, it can get awkward for those unknowing. For example, yesterday after playing volleyball I was admiring the cute short shorts Veronica was wearing. Being newly single, Veronica and I have been jokingly going after "trophy boyfriend/girlfriend" status with each other by doing something nice for one another. So, after we were done playing, I made a comment to Veronica: "May I say how nice your legs look in those shorts..." (I'm going for awkward-cute here guys!). She looked at me with this shy,embarrassed, look of disbelief that I said that, so I just smiled and responded "Awwww, you're so cute!" Finally, she smirked at me and added "Still aiming to be that 'trophy boyfriend', aren't you?" It was then that one of the other guys sitting on the ground next to us piped in with a "You guys are gross." The two of us just exchanged glances and laughed. I probably sounded like a huge sleazeball, but being okay with this whole gay thing, I can make those comments and not really give a damn, because both Veronica and I know the innocence behind them, even when others don't.

So yeah, embrace my inner gay, have fun with my girlfriends. I wouldn't have it any other way.

BEDID - Day 17 - Mom's Gay Friends, Part 2

Got a question or topic you want to see blogged in December? Email me or post it here.

Sorry guys, been taking care of a couple family emergencies that have popped up this week. =(

Anyway, back to business. The other day, I mentioned my mom has two close gay friends she keeps in close contact with, the first being Elaine, and the other being her friend Chuck. Chuck is around her age, and is in a committed relationship with another man. My mom and Chuck started out as gym buddies about twenty years ago, and still keep in touch with each other pretty frequently.

Now, my memories of Chuck are hazy; I was still a little kid when my sister, dad and I would meet my mom, Chuck and the rest of their gym friends after their workout, so most of the story I tell here is hearsay from my mom. Despite this, Chuck's story is important to me because I can tell my mom draws parallels between him and I. For one, Chuck and I are both pretty masculine guys. My mom never really knew Chuck was gay the entire time she knew him, and she didn't really have any reason to; Chuck liked his cars, watching hockey, and all that. It wasn't till he invited her to his commitment ceremony that she really figured it out. My sister still remembers my mom struggling to explain what a commitment ceremony was to her eight-year old self.

Besides that, since I've come out, she's aware of the difficulty and I guess fear? of meeting other gay guys, especially outside of the bar scene. One of the stories she reminds me of is how Chuck used to park his car downtown, walk around one of the records stores downtown, head up to one of the gay bars, then head straight back to his car before he even got in. Eventually, Chuck got over his fears, and has been with his partner for at least fifteen years now, so it's a reminder that it's all doable.

I know part of the reason my mom tells me about Chuck is out of genuine concern for me. I know one of the concerns a lot of queer parents have for their children is the adversity that we inevitably face out in the world, and I suppose telling me about Chuck and his story is her way of trying to protect me and keep me from becoming discouraged navigating through this whole gay thing. I'm pretty lucky in that I have someone who is willing to support and lookout for me in that sense. In some ways, I've learned a lot about myself and the LGBTQ community and I'm ready to take the challenges on. In others though, I feel pretty unprepared and clueless...so I guess it's nice to know at least I've got support to fall back on.  

Speaking of which, after their most recent and probably one of the most intimate coffees together, my mom suggested I add Chuck on Facebook to maybe arrange to go for coffee with him and listen to his experiences, or at the very least to creep him and see what his life is like. And I did. A part of me thinks that it might do me some good to meet up with him and hear what he has to say, but at the same time, I hate the idea of getting together for coffee with someone on the premise that "Hey, we're both gay!". I suppose it wouldn't hurt though...

BEDID - Day 14 - You Ask, I Tell Part 3

Got a question or topic you want to see blogged in December? Email me or post it here.


Hey guys! Back from a short hiatus with a couple more Q&As...


Question from Ethan:

Have you ever been caught in an moment where the person catching you out takes the situation out of context and the moment has become awkward and/or embarrassing?

First off, I have this problem with getting lost in the moment, and I don’t realize that things are awkward or embarrassing until afterwards when I’ve reflected on it or talked to somebody about it. So there could be plenty of moments that have been super awkward that I just haven’t picked up on.  

One of the ways I know I must give off somewhat of a masculine vibe is that I get mistaken for my female friends’ boyfriend pretty frequently. I’ve had people ask me how long I’ve been dating. Other times, a friend will come up to me a few days after a get-together and tell me rather embarrassedly that a girlfriend of hers asked what her “boyfriend” (my) name was again. Although, it doesn’t really bother me...It’s terrible, but I get a sort of sick pleasure out of nonchalantly correcting people (about my “girlfriends”, sexuality, ethnicity, etc) and watching their horror or embarrassment cross their face when they realize their mistake.

I’m also (and Cara and Nate for that matter) that someone will take our playing around the wrong way. Cara and I are both touchy-feely types, so we’re always hugging each other, wrapping around each other’s arms or leaning our heads on each other. Someone’s bound to think we’re together, or worse, that I’m poaching my buddy’s girlfriend. That would be hella awkward.   

I don’t think I’ve answered your question very well so far, but the closest thing I can think of, ironically, had to do with Nate and Cara. We were hanging out in Nate’s basement one night just watching TV, etc, when Cara and I, being the touchy-feely people we are, randomly decided to start tickling Nate. Eventually, it got to a point where Cara and I pinned Nate down and were tickling him, when from behind us we heard an “Ummm…hi guys”. His MOM was standing there staring at us. Now, this is a woman that will come downstairs in the middle of the night to check and make sure the two of them aren’t having sex. You can only imagine how awkward it was for her to catch us in such an awkward position.



Also from Ethan:


If you could visit any country/ies, which five would you visit and why?

I know I’m sort of cheating by clumping a few countries all together, but I’d imagine I’d visit a bunch of these countries in one trip.

South America – I’d like to do a Brazil/Argentina/Chile/Uruguay – It would be awesome to visit Rio, experience Carnival and hit the beach. A tour of the rainforest would be awesome as well, and I’d love to do some hiking or learn to ski in the Andes. Maybe enjoy a steak and bullfight in Buenos Aires? I know it’s in Peru, but I’d also like to go see Machu Pichu as well?

Middle East/Mediterranean – Like Lebanon, Israel, Turkey, Greece.  I’m also just a fan of the food in that area in general, and it would be awesome to get a taste of the authentic stuff. I hear Tel Aviv has a pretty interesting culture to it. Besides that, I’d like to go see the historical places like the Parthenon, etc. There’s just so much history behind that area I just want to go see.  Unfortunately, that same history is probably responsible for all the turmoil in that area that’ll put this trip on hold for a while…

Eastern bloc – I’m kind of enamoured with the story and spookiness of Pripyat (the town next to the Chernobyl nuclear plant) and other Cold War era history. I’d like to experience the culture in some of the bigger cities, like Kiev or Prague. I also hear there are a lot of beautiful areas and beaches in Croatia and the Czech Republic that I’d also go like to see.  

North Korea – I know this sounds absolutely crazy and dangerous, and this one I don’t know if I’d ever actually DO in my lifetime, but apparently North Korea’s quite open to tourism. They have their own state-run tourism country that takes you to some very elaborate and scripted sites. It just sounds so bizarre; I kind of want to go see the charade for myself. Check out this blog to see what I’m talking about. From a political standpoint though, especially after the “satellite” issues this week, I’m not sure how I feel about putting any sort of money into a country where activities like that (and worse) are going on. 

Western Europe – I can’t see myself NOT doing France/Germany/The UK at some point in my life. Germany especially, I’d like to go explore those old castles and enjoy the countryside. And of course, I’d want to do the car things like go see a Porsche being made and visit the Nurburgring. In France, I’d like to go see Normandy and the WWII history, as well as explore Paris and see the Eiffel tower and such. And of course, I’d love to go see London and see your typical sites like Big Ben, Tower Bridge, Westminster Abbey, etc.

 

BEDID - Day 11 - Hot Guys & Cars

Got a question or topic you want to see blogged in December? Email me or post it here.

Hey guys, judging from the response to some of the car-related posts last week, it looks like there's a few of us gay car guys out there, which is awesome =)

There's two gay-themed car sites that I know of, the first being www.gaywheels.com, which has some good reviews and articles, and their famed "Gay-friendly automaker list". So if you're looking into a new car or just need something to read, that's a great place to check out.

The other one I check out on occasion is www.gaycarfans.com, which is a discussion forum for all things automotive related. My favourite thread there is, of course, "The Obligatory 'Attractive' People and Cars" thread.

And of course, what would this post be without a few pics from it, so here are a few of my favourites:

BEDID - Day 10 - Mom's Gay Friends, Part 1

Got a question or topic you want to see blogged in December? Email me or post it here.

Yes, I admit it, I'm a mama's boy. Embarrassing, but my mom's not the most uncool, pushy or naggy person in the world (at least most of the time). This also means we get to spend a lot of time together and she, along with my sister, are the more expressive ones of the family and so I get to hear a lot about what's going on in her life.

And yes, this means I hear about two of her closest friends, who happen to be gay. Elaine is a feisty, free-spirited lesbian from Newfoundland who travels all through Canada and the US in her motorhome with her dog (when she's not riding her Harley). She came out to my mom somewhere around 1980 when she was my mom's manager at a credit card company. My mom remembers going out to lunch with her and noticing that she was nervous and fidgety all through lunch. After she did, my mom being about 20 at the time, didn't really care and was sort of taken aback by Elaine's "Do...you have any questions?" at the end of her spiel...since it didn't really matter. I suppose Elaine had reason to be nervous, since it sounds to this day that her mother still won't address the fact that she's a lesbian, which is a shame.

When my mom outed me to Elaine, she didn't seem too concerned. I've got way more resources and the attitudes are way different, she had told my mom. Which is definitely true, however the unfortunate thing is, it seems like we still have more work to do. If everything and everyone were so accepting, I don't think I, other bloggers, or anyone else in the closet would have felt nervous like Elaine did to come out and have to hide their true self. And I suppose that's why I take an interest in Elaine's story. There's somewhat of a generation gap, and yet there are still elements that are the same. It's easier to come out, yes (we've got this blogging community, pride parades and LGBTQ community centres), but at the same time we still worry about having the support we need and be rejected by friends and family. Despite knowing Elaine's story before I came out, I still worried that I would be in Elaine's shoes where my parents wouldn't be okay with this. There's still a larger cultural stigma that exists and makes us play with our minds, so yes, there's definitely room for improvement. At the same time, we're making progress and both myself and Elaine have support from my mom that might not otherwise be there if it weren't for the bravery of Elaine's generation and those before her willing to speak up and express themselves. I think younger queers like myself owe it in part to folks like Elaine who came out in less accepting times and paved the way for the acceptance and support we have today. So if there is anybody of that generation and before reading, thank you. =)

Now, my mom's other close friend, Chuck, has a pretty interesting story and relevance to me...but then this post would be waaaay to long if I tried to fit it and all the commentary here, so I'll save that for another day soon.

In the meantime, go check out Ethan at The Ethansphere, whose also got plenty of great insights to check out =) 

BEDID - Day 9 - You Ask, I Tell Part 2

Got a question or topic you want me to blog? Email me or post it here.

Today, I talk about checking dudes out with my buddies, being less anonymous, and you get a picture of me!

Question from Ethan: 

Do, when you hang out with 'the guys', point out good looking fellows like straight guys would banter 'bout a hot girl? I wonder because I would like to be this open with my mates. 

On occasion, yes. Admittedly, I don’t do it quite as much as say, with a straight female friend, but it still happens. Sometimes I’ll follow through on general comments, like “Gee, there are a lot of hot girls here” with “Yeah, and the guys aren’t too bad either.” In the same vein, a lot of the time I'll make comments when they’re pointing out hot girls to me, so I'll also join in and point out the cute guys in the room. There’s a few times where they’ve actively encouraged me, ie. “So…which guys here are you in to?” or called me out on checking a dude out: “Dude, stop drooling on yourself”. They've also figured out my type, so once in a while they'll also ask me if I like the ass on a particular guy or something like that. Even though it's a little more difficult to make judgement calls on particular parts of a guy's/girl's body since it's not what we're attracted to (ie. It's harder for me to make comments on a girls boobs or for them to make a comment on a guy's package), but we still try and see it from each others perspective.

I figure it’s a two way street, if they’re going to check out girls with me, it’s only fair that I get to point out hot dudes to them too. My suggestion, if you want to have that sort atmosphere with your buddies is just do it...make general comments about dudes first and see how they respond. If they encourage it, go ahead and objectify guys to your heart's content =P

Question from Kevin:   

Ever thought about making this blog (a little) less anonymous, like post some (maybe non face)pics or something? I'm asking because I was in doubt about that for a very long time before deciding to be a little less anonymous (you know, being carefull, overthinking what could happen,...) but I honestly like blogging more now, like I'm able to be more just me, without special watchguard and stuff... 

I had definitely thought about it before, but I had two reservations about doing so. The first was me being self-conscious about my race. As silly as it sounds, I think it's because I'm not attracted to Asian guys, so I automatically assume the same is true for everyone else. In my mind, there wasn't any incentive or point to do so, but in learning to love myself that's one of the things I've had to confront, so I'm letting it go.

More importantly, the second was what my friends would think if they ever saw this blog. I was always a little concerned what they might have thought about me seeing all these self-conscious, sometimes emo, sometimes angry posts. I was also worried that they might be a little annoyed with me writing/talking behind their back. 

I took a risk on my feelings this weekend though, and gave one of my close friends the URL to this blog. They've been gong through their own rough period (which I won't discuss here for their privacy) and we both swapped our own stories, experiences and feelings. It was a lot like how I felt when I came out to Lindsay, being able to express myself that deeply and have someone understand and be sympathetic to what I was saying made me feel as if I could trust them to respond the same way to what I've written here. After they read (most of) the blog, they sent me an email letting me know what they thought, and it was nothing but positive stuff. They liked my writing style and the blog itself because it's so me and were happy to see me open up and be comfortable with who I am. They sort of knew there was a bit more to me than met the eye, and to see these other emotions, this other side of me was refreshing, almost like meeting a family member that was like me, yet different. And they felt privileged for me having trusted them enough to share that with them. I don't know if they're going to keep following my blog or not, but if they see this, thank you, and I'm glad I could share this with you and I hope our relationship goes new places from here.

So, with my two concerns out of the way, I'll slowly open up a bit more to you guys too. And with that, here's a picture of me and one of the Twins crossing a creek on a hike. Note: if someone says there's just a little bit of snow on the trail, don't automatically believe them.