Wow, 2013 already...craaaaazzyyy.
Anyway, the holidays were alright all things considered. I spent Christmas Eve with my mom's family, which is always a laugh and a half. Little disappointing since my cousin and her kids were out of town, which meant there were no actual kids around excited to open gifts and have toys to play with (my sister and I were the last "kids" in the family). Christmas Day was a little different this year, since it's usually spent with my dad's side of the family, but my parents, sister and I had a pretty normal Christmas morning watching movies we had gotten and having a nice breakfast. Later, we went to go keep my grandmother company for a bit, then off to my uncle's for dinner. Because of all the planning for the funeral and missing Christmas together, I ended up spending a lot of time with my dad's side of the family between Christmas and New Years. They're family, and I love them, but that was more than enough time with them, and I'm glad the dust has settled and everything is getting somewhat back to normal.
The funeral ended up being literally after New Years, since we had a short turn around to have it done before my aunt returned to Calgary. It was a fairly simple service, fitting of my grandfather. I ended up writing and delivering a tribute to him, since I'm one of the decent writers in the family and I was probably one of the few that could also deliver a speech without breaking down. I'm glad I got to...even though I may not have been particularly close with my grandfather, I still appreciated his dedication to our family and I treasure the memories I have of him, and I'm glad I could share them with his closest friends and family. I got a lot of compliments, thanks and people expressing how touched they were afterwards, so I must've gotten something right.
And honestly, that was the end of a really crappy year. Aside from life kicking me in the balls at the end of the year, I also struggled with the anxiety of coming out and trying to find myself near the beginning, I had a close friend (Lindsay) move overseas added on top of the stress of school. The year wasn't a total write-off, though, and if anything all these trials made me stronger. The middle of the year really started to improve for me. While there's definitely more work to do, I certainly feel more confident and sociable now than I did a year ago and even months ago. I've had the courage to go out and try new things and meet new people. In terms of school and work, I'm soooo close to graduating, and I've gotten a ton of good, applicable work experience. I think the biggest thing though, is that I've accepted and like being gay; it's a far cry from a year ago, when I was basically still in the closet. All my closest friends now know, and even some random acquaintances and strangers do too. I can speak about it whereever I go, without fearing whose listening and I don't feel like I have to hide the fact I'm checking a guy out and can even express that to my friends.
I'm taking 2013 as a fresh start, and so far it has gotten off to a good start. I'm out of school on a (paid, thank goodness) internship where the work is rewarding, lets me flex my knowledge from school, co-workers are nice and chill, and looks as if it's going to stretch beyond the one semester I'm currently signed up for like I hoped. I also (sort of sadly) quit my part-time job as a lot guy as a result, but it means I have an ACTUAL full weekend for the first time in three and a half years. I've been slowly working on a post marking some of the more memorable cars from my time there, so keep an eye out for that. So now, I've got more time to spend on picking up new hobbies and renewing my interest in ones that I let fall to the wayside in my workoholism, visiting with friends and taking care of myself. What to do, what to do?
But I won't kid you guys, that stuff's great, but I'm looking forward to the dating/love/maybe sex? side of things. First, just before New Years, I got a text from Cara. She, Nate and Shane had been hanging out together that night, and according to her, Shane is kinda into me and wanted to set more get-togethers up with me involved, and something about a Vegas trip. At first, I was pretty excited, but as I thought about it more, Cara is the type to exaggerate things and in that sense, I would have thought he might have shown up at New Years with us, which he didn't. I ended up talking to Nate a few days later, and we ended up talking about life goals, some of which involved travelling. He mentioned the Vegas trip Cara had mentioned in the text, since Shane's turning 21 in the next couple of months (I honestly thought he was 21 already, maybe 22, but I digress) and he wanted to go do actual fun things in Vegas with us Guys. Not wanting to get my hopes too high, I mentioned the text Cara had sent. Nate sounded a little embarrassed, and muttered something about his girlfriend stirring the pot again. Kinda figured, but I have my doubts that Cara would make something up like that out of nowhere. A part of me is struggling in that I don't want to be disappointed and hurt if this goes nowhere, but at the same time part of me wants to keep optimistic and enthusiastic in case something does happen. In the meantime, I'm going to take it at face value and pretend like Cara's not completely BS-ing me, and at the very least I can make friends with the guy when we GO TO VEGAS, WHOO!
Ahem, anyway, if that doesn't work out, I also have a back up plan: I started an online dating profile this past weekend. I finally took the plunge alongside my friend Britney (who, by the way, is the one I showed this blog to, so if she's reading this, LAYWN =P ) I'm taking it slow, still filling out some parts of my profile and just watching for the next few days to see if anybody messages me before I make my move, probably this weekend. No messages yet, but plenty of views, despite the half filled out profile and one IMO crappy pic of me. Definitely need to take some time this weekend to finish that and at least maybe take a Myspace-esque shot of myself. I'm not sure what to expect out of this whole thing, but I figure I won't know until I try. Stay tuned...
So overall, I'm keeping optimistic about 2013. I'm hoping maybe it'll be sort of the opposite of 2012, where things are really good at the beginning, kinda meh in the middle, and great at the end. And I don't like breaking my promises...stay tuned for leftover BEDID posts and questions over the coming days and weeks. (and at that, feel free to keep emailing questions/topics!)
Be yourselves guys!