ANYWAY, I haven’t gotten a chance to come out to my sister yet. She’s busy with final exams this week, so she’s been studying hard and is a LITTLE stressed out, so I’ve been holding off until later in the week at least, when things settle down for her. Which is fine with me frankly, it gives me some time to mentally prepare myself and think how I want to do this. Might be sort of trivial, since I might just go with the flow, but I’m one of those guys who likes to have a plan and tries to stick with it.
I’m also supposed to be going back to counselling next week, but chances are I’m probably going to cancel the appointment. There’s been a few times where I’ve felt a little down and self-conscious, like during the weekend having to listen to my buddies and their girlfriends make plans and double dates. I’m completely jealous and wish I could be having fun with a boyfriend/girlfriend, but I know it’ll happen in time. But anyway, for the most part, I’ve still been (relatively) anxiety-free and happy, so I wouldn’t really have much to talk about in counselling anyway. And besides, each time I’ve gone, I’ve come out of there thinking I need to tell more people, and that hasn’t happened yet. I know what I have to do, it’s just a matter of doing it, and maybe once I do, I’ll have something to talk about and I’ll need some advice. But until then (probably the new year?), I’ll manage.
In other news, I’m supposed to hang out with my friend Britney tomorrow. She’s the one I “let go” a couple years back, and we really only hang out a few times a year now, so I’m glad that we’re taking the time to go have dinner together, maybe play some video games and chill together like we used to. Although, I’m getting the impression from her texts that things aren’t exactly going smoothly in her life right now, so I might have to put my issues aside for now and just be a pair of ears for her. I’m hoping I’m wrong and everything is okay, but I’ll see.
Last thing: I’m super self-conscious about my taste in music. I’ll listen to just about anything, but I’m mostly a top 40’s, pop, electronic type of guy. I probably feel this way because it’s probably the gayest thing about me, so fuck it, here’s a song:
Carly Rae Jepsen’s a local, and this is her latest that’s been playing on the radio a lot recently. She’s got a bunch of “feel-good” songs that I enjoy, it's a great pick-me-up on those low days. Make sure you watch the ENTIRE video (and not just for the hot guy!), I got a bit of a laugh out of it and hopefully you will too. =)
-Matt
LOL I was not expecting that, funny video. I know what you mean about being self-conscious, I let feelings like that control what I allowed myself to be interested in when I was younger. Now my philosophy is, if it makes you happy who cares?
ReplyDeleteI came out to my sister after Christmas and New Year's Eve so she was right in the middle of college Winter Break when everything was boring and slowed down. It went exactly like I planned it, watch a movie, eat dinner, tell her. There was a lot of crying involved and a lot of momentary cowardice but ultimately she accepted it once I blurted it out. That was January 5th, 2010. Having a plan is good, following through is even better. I think it was even one of my resolutions.
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best and yeah, that guy on the video is extremely attractive. Surprise ending too.
What's up buttercup ;-)
ReplyDeleteNice video, wish I had a guy like that next door to look at haha, already thought something like that about the end, the way you insisted on watching the entire video lol. And nice song too.
I used to be super self-conscious about the music I like, the clothes I wear, the hobbies I have, but I think I'm past that. It's like B says, if it makes you happy, who cares. But I would put it even stronger. I've learned that people even get some interest in so-called silly/lame/nerdy/whatever things you like that aren't considered as cool, if you show you're proud about it. When people feel you're trying to hide or being silent about things you like, they will show no interest or even laugh with it. But when you show no shame at all but even a little excitement about a song/hobby/whatever, they will go like 'what's this, seems interesting'. Enthousiasm is viral.
Wish you tons of courage and luck for coming out to your sister, it will be a lot of weight off your chest.