A New Beginning?

Hey there and welcome to my blog! Like so many others, I have spent the last little reading blogs about the thoughts and tribulations of other closeted gay and bisexual young guys like myself, and felt inspired to express my own thoughts, feelings, musings and random happenings that I wouldn't have been able to otherwise in real life.

So who am I? Well, in short, my name is Matt. I'm a 22 year old university student and I live in Vancouver, BC, Canada. I'm pretty shy and reserved, but I can be pretty playful and childish once you crack me. As you've probably guessed from my blog name, I'm a pretty big car guy :) I love driving, detailing and looking at cars. I'm happiest on a sunny day, sunroof open, radio blaring, driving down to get food with family or friends. I'm also a bit of a dork, I like my video games, being on the computer and finding random stuff on the internet. But I also like to get out and do some hiking, running and volleyball when the weather's nice (stupid Vancouver weather...)

...but you know what, that's what most people that come into contact with me see. What they don't see, and what you'll realize here, is that I'm a pretty confused, troubled, insecure young man. I've questioned myself as to who I really am and the answer to that is "I really don't know". I've recently come to terms (somewhat anyway) with my sexuality after struggling with my attraction to guys for several years. It's probably a large part of why I try and hide or cover myself up from other people, as I'm afraid of what that says about me as a person, about what I say and what I do. I don't really want to put a label on my sexuality, largely because it's hard to pin down. I don't know if I'm a case of "bi now, gay later" or whether I'll eventually swing towards women, since my tendencies tend to change day-to-day. For the sake of me not having to write this out every time, I'll identify as bisexual. I'm putting this out there because I've gotten tired of lying to myself and other people and having to put on a mask to fit in and maintain a straight guy persona. I'm also tired of having to shut down or put up barriers every time someone gets remotely close to me out of fear and paranoia as to what they may think of the real me. I want to feel as if I can just let myself go and tell the world how I’m feeling, but the secret I hold and the way I’ve been socialized makes that extremely difficult.

Anyway, that's me in a nutshell; stay tuned for more on me and my search to figure out just who I am. For now, take it easy and be yourselves guys!

-Matt