Conflicted

Despite us only having messaged each other back and forth, Alex seems to be picking up on my personality and likes pretty quickly, which was reflected in our second date, which involved us getting gelato, realizing there were no seats in the cafe, and us sitting in his car talking. Regardless, I still I had a great time and even appreciated the simplicity and intimacy of just talking in the car.


There's a lot I really like about him, the most important that he's easy to talk to and comfortable to be around. He'll talk a lot, but I don't feel as if it's a one way conversation or that he's some sort of narcissist. He asks me a lot of questions, which, being a quieter guy I really appreciate, and he gladly shared information about himself too. And it was nice, we didn't just focus on small talk or anything super personal either, it was a good mix. We talked pretty extensively about everything from food, travel, our jobs and sports, but we also got past the superficial to deeper conversation. We shared our first coming out stories with each other tonight and described our friends and social circles, and we talked about out families and how close we both are to them. He managed to get my dating history (or lack thereof) out of me, and he didn't seem fazed. I'm glad it's out there though, and hopefully that gives him some idea of what I want and where I want to go. I also let my "friends-first" dating strategy slip, which he tried to probe a bit, possibly out of alarm. Note to self: if it comes up again, describe it as everybody starts off as friends, and you have to work your way up to being promoted to boyfriend. Being such a quiet guy, I'm really surprised and happy with how quickly two hours seemed to fly by; I didn't really want to leave his car at the end and had that longing for more. And the fact that he can get me to open up so easily is also pretty remarkable and I feel pretty hopeful for something between us.

I've got my reservations still though. For one he's the very first date/guy, and I'm being a little cautious about how I proceed.  I've barely sent out any messages on OkCupid or PlentyofFish, and while I'm glad we get along so well and we seem like a good match, I don't think I'm ready (or even sure if I want) to jump into a relationship right now. I've still got other guys to scope out (Mr. CDC, Meetup Guy) and ones I REALLY WANT to scope out (Shane), so to shelve them to get into something serious with Alex seems premature.

The distance is also a bit of an issue, even though he's made it clear that he would be back a handful of times in the next few months, including at the end of March and possibly the whole month of July. Yeah, we have Whatsapp/Skype/Gchat/OkCupid, but it's sort of difficult for me to share a lot of my interests (ie. being outdoors, exploring the city, going for a drive, etc) without him being here. He again strongly hinted that he would be willing to make other trips in between major family events/holidays "for the right reasons".

And while it is only the end of the second date, I was hoping to see a little more spring in his step, a little more easygoingness and sense of humour like I see in Britney or Lindsay. Perhaps as we get to know each other and get more comfortable maybe. He's also pretty cute, but he wasn't exactly what I pictured I would be going for (ie. Asian). Superficial, yes, but I think I can look past it.  

And while not at all a dealbreaker,  it sounds like his parents haven't been completely sold on their son being gay. It sounds like they accept it and that they want him to be happy with a companion, regardless of gender, but they'd prefer him to be with a girl (at least as far as he knows, he hasn't really talked to them about it since coming out). I'm not about to shy away from being an advocate or helping him in that way, but that would be something different and I hope I could handle that.

Despite me spending half this post to my doubts, I really do like the guy and am really tempted to make something out of it. He is a good fit in terms of personality, values, life experience and interests, and I feel comfortable and happy being around him. For now though, the plans still stand: he's a friend first until he proves himself a bit more, but I can see this potentially going somewhere. That's something I get to decide going forward...