My Family Knows My Secret, Amongst Other Things

I had a pretty emotional week...I basically had a nervous breakdown Wednesday night, triggered by my counselling session earlier in the day. It’s a story I want to share in another post, but what you need to know for now is that I was extremely anxious to the point where I couldn’t sleep and my mind kept ruminating to the point where I just felt helpless and alone.

The anxiety and fear of being alone was so bad I just had to talk to someone, so I decided to tell everything to the person I trusted the most at the time, my mom. Being up the whole night, I pulled her aside as soon as I heard her up and I started telling her about counselling, what we talked about that had stressed me out and just all the worries that were coming to my head. And she comforted me through it all, but of course she wanted to know what had made me decide to go see Liz in the first place. I hesitated for a second, but by then I was just so emotional and had everything on the table, plus she seemed more concerned about my deteriorating mental health, so I went and told her how I went after coming out to Lindsay and the loneliness that came from her pulling back. We both glossed over the fact that I had admitted I was struggling with my sexuality to talk about my other worries, but we eventually got to discuss it later. 

My mom’s been extremely supportive about the whole thing. She told my dad and my sister about most things we talked about, including my sexuality issues, so I wouldn’t get stressed over it, which is fine by me. I don’t think there was going to be an easy/non-awkward/casual way of telling my dad, so I’m okay with that, but I was hoping my sister would get to hear it from my mouth, rather than my mom’s. But whatever, I’m just happy that they know, and that they’re supportive and accepting of everything that’s going on. My sister let me know today that she’s always there to talk and support me, and that nothing I could ever say would faze her. She also told me that she’s always looked p to me, which was really uplifting. 

My mom and I have had a few conversations about my sexuality; it’s really weird for me to be talking about my attractions with my mom, but I explained (awkwardly and nervously) the different dimensions of my attractions to men and women, about all the hiding and my feelings on being confused and the LGBT community. She’s told me some of the coming out experiences of some of her gay/lesbian friends and the happiness they’ve found in their partners, which was comforting not only to hear about other people’s experiences, but it showed my mom’s acceptance of the LGBT community. She even offered to get one of her gay friends to talk with me about his experiences. Not sure if I’m going to take her up on the offer, but it might be interesting. Anyway, what she tells me following every conversation is that she just wants to see me happy with someone, whether it be a man or a woman, that they can support me and for me to equally support them. I’m sure hoping for the same thing. :)

So there you have it. It wasn’t the cleanest way of coming out to my family and not at all how I planned it, but I’m glad it’s known and that weight is off my shoulders. Best of all, I’ve got my family behind my back. :)