How Times Have Changed

So, it's my birthday this week and I think this is one year in a long time that I've actually been really excited for it, mostly because I don't have final exams/papers, but also because I'm actually genuinely happy with where my life is going right now. I remember writing this somewhere, but I treat my birthday as a "New Years'" as I watch the clock turn over from 23 to 24, and take the time to re-evaluate what I've accomplished in the past year and set some goals for myself in the coming year.

This time last year was sort of a funny time for me. I was finally out to a few of my closest friends, but quite a few still didn't know. I remember starting to get a handle on being gay and accepting who I was, even though it still felt awkward at the time. Reading back on some of my posts then, I feel like it really shows, at least compared to now. I still cared a bit on how my friends and family would take it, like it was a big thing. That pressure to make it known and out there is gone, and it truly is just coming up in conversation now, whether it's correcting somebody's use of "girlfriend/future wife/etc" or just talking with co-workers about my dates over the weekend. I've hugged a guy in a "more-than-just-a-bro" way out in public, and while perhaps it's a small step, it's one I don't think I could have made a year ago. Socially and mentally, I'm pleased with the progress I've made. These are two areas where I think I was really lacking the year before, but I've tried. I went to the LGBT Centre, tried the Meetup groups and, of course, the dating thing. For a shy guy like me though, it's not still not easy to put myself out there, and even harder not to beat myself up for minor failures, but I'm proud I can say that I'm at least trying. I took a break from counselling for basically the last year, and while I'm back again, I feel like I'm ready to leave already. Like last time, I just need to learn to be easier on myself and not let my stressors build-up and overwhelm me.

As for the goals for this year, here they are:

• Get into something a little more serious: The dating thing is fun and I'm enjoying getting to know these different guys, but at some point I'd like to get into something a little more serious and see how I do handling and supporting another guy.
• Keep pushing the boundaries..: Keep getting out there to meet new people, because it is tons of fun :-) Find more climbing friends? Volunteer a bit more? Or Gay volleyball maybe? Just do it, wheatever it may be. Texting Britney today, one of the things I'd like to do is randomly give a cute guy my number. Simple, yet reasonably attainable goal.
• ...don't be so hard on myself: It's good to try, but I have to remind myself that if things don't go well or how I'd like them to, it's no big deal and it isn't always my fault or a failing of my character. I just need to remember lots of good stuff does happen (just look at this post!) and still will.
• Finish my degree and/or keep this awesome job: Two semesters. Two semesters! That's all I've got left, and I can totally finish that in a year. Unless I get extended/hired on at my job, which would be pretty sweet too.
• The embarrassing one: Have a first kiss. Lose my virginity. I think I could be in the right place in a year. Why is this on the internet again?

In closing,  I wrote this last year:   

"I went back and read nearly all my posts from the beginning and looking back, it’s really amazing how far I’ve come. If you told me that in a year, I’d accept that I’m gay and be out to my closest friends and family, I would have told you that was bullshit and that I was going to be in the same place as I was back then, too focused on school to find a girlfriend. Funny how times change."

Sitting here a year later, I can pretty much say the same thing, but let's just replace a few words. I'm amazed how far I've come. If you told me that in a year, I'd be going on a few dates, meeting new people and making friends, I wouldn't have believed it. Lets see what this post looks like this time next year.