Shane

Last weekend I decided to let loose and have a little fun, so I went to a gay bar with a group of my friends for the first time ever. I had a ton of fun, even thought the experience wasn't anything too notable, it was pretty much like any other club, except it was a little more laid-back and less pretentious (than some of the straight clubs I've been to anyway). The guys there were alright, no-one really notable either...except maybe for one...

Nate's cousin Shane didn't really stand out to me at first, other than the fact that he's a total hottie and he seemed like a lot of fun on the dance floor. It wasn't till the end of the night that he really caught my attention. In the car on the way home, he was really friendly, chatting all of us up trying to get to know each and every person. He was also just genuinely sweet and cheerful, never sarcastic or condescending, which is a major plus in my book. But there was one incident in particular that caught my interest. Earlier in the night, the two of us and a couple others were dancing up on one of the dance podiums when some guy motioned Shane off the platform and towards this cute strawberry-blond in the middle of the dance floor. I was a little disappointed as he hopped off the podium to go chat the guy up; though to my surprise, Shane returned to the podium within a whole minute of this guy's buddy pulling him off the stage. As we were walking back to the car, a few of us were giving him a hard time about what had happened. Shane explained that the dude had said he was totally into him, only they would have to keep it on the down-low since he had another boyfriend. Shane's response to the guy? You should stay faithful to your boyfriend. I was impressed, since while I'm not against hookups (I find there's a lot of hot guys out there and totally want to hook-up with a few of them), I'm sort of a hopeless romantic in that I find the idea of being in love with one person and having each other all to ourselves equally (if not more) hot. So to find someone that feels the same way and has that sort of character, especially in the gay community, is a real turn-on for me.

I'm beginning to sound like a broken record, but this week I've been kicking myself for not making some sort of move on Shane. I'd love to use the excuse that I was tired from working all day and that I wasn't feeling all that sociable that night, but it's just a lie, another excuse. I was shy and I didn't open up and do myself justice that night. I cared way too much about Shane being Nate's cousin, and what that would have meant for our relationship or theirs had I made a move or what could go wrong if we got together. I thought maybe I wasn't his type or outgoing enough to be with him. I even caught myself thinking I wasn't good enough for him.

But I'm not writing this post from a pool of self-pity. I've come to realize that I can't just turn down every friend or family member of a mutual acquaintance that I'm interested in just because I'm afraid of messing up some sort of social dynamic...otherwise I'm never going to meet anyone that way. And I don't know for sure if I'm Shane's type, or if we'll have anything in common or not, but I won't know if I don't try. I'm tired of waiting around for a guy to come to me or cutting myself off before I even try to make a move. And now that there's a sweet, personable, cute and admirable guy at easy access, I'm not going to let my worries get in the way of things. So fuck it, I'm going to let Nate know that I'm interested in Shane and ask him to invite him along to a few more get togethers so I can actually loosen up, be myself and get a better feel for this guy. I'm giving myself no later than the end of the Labour Day long weekend when I'll be road tripping down to Seattle with Nate, no exceptions.

We'll see where this goes from here. Wish me luck.