Pride, Part 1

Today I volunteered in my very first pride event! Over the last month, I've been getting involved with one of the bigger LGBT centres in Vancouver, which offers a long line of services and groups to queer-identified people, young/old, of different ethnicity, different sexual identities and more. They needed a few people to man their booth for the Pride festival this afternoon, so I happily obliged.

Now, this event, Surrey Pride, was interesting. Surrey is a large suburb about a forty-five minute drive outside of downtown Vancouver. It's a suburb, first and foremost, which means there's a lot of families and it's probably a little less liberal-minded than say, right downtown. Surrey is also home to a wide range of different ethnicities, many of which get a rap for having some pretty traditional cultures values when it comes to the LGBT community. So I was really happy to see lots of families with kids getting rainbow flags painted on their faces, and people of all different cultures, ages and walks of life coming up to the vendors and community groups to ask questions and see what everyone had to offer. It's comforting to know that so many people are curious and willing to reach out to the community, and that there's a generation coming up that will be exposed and understanding of queer people.

It was an experience that helped me keep in check too. We had a lot of social/youth workers, nurses, teachers and counselors looking for help or resources for clients or their students, many of whom are closeted, scared and uncertain of where to go and who to connect with. In the last few months, I feel like I've taken coming out for granted, now that I've got an army of support behind me, so it's kind of a reality check to hear the struggles the loved ones of these people are going through and looking for support. We also had a few people approach us with ideas for different social and community groups that they would like to see (Playdates for LGBT parents and their kids, a social club for young adults, among other things).

I really liked that this was a smaller event too, especially where an LGBT presence isn't quite as strong. I know a lot of people ask why pride events still exist and what the point of them are, but I think this event was a great example why we still need them. As much as the big Vancouver parade and celebration in August is fun, I think these smaller, grassroots events are important to reach out to populations where the knowledge might not be there and the resources for LGBT community is a little more limited. We had one gentleman from Chilliwack, a more rural city even further outside the city, approach us for help in starting their own pride society and needed help connecting to our organizers to see what needed to be done and what could be offered out there. And the amount of straight-supporters that came to us looking for groups and services to help their friends, loved ones, clients, etc. spoke to this need too.

In all, a very insightful experience. It's a different experience, but I'm looking forward to the big celebration in a few weeks. One of the events going on is a huge street party on Davie St., Vancouver's gay neighbourhood, which should be a blast. It'll also give me an excuse to wear this out more...

Congrats to you guys in the States! Hopefully this shirt won't make sense in the near future!

BEDID - Day 4 - You Ask, I Tell, Part 1

Got a question or topic you want to see blogged in December? Email me or post it here.

Hey guys, first off I really wanted to thank those of you who have sent in questions. You would not believe how much easier and thought-provoking it is to write on a specific topic coming from people other than myself! It makes the whole blog-everyday thing so much more manageable. Please keep them coming!

And speaking of which, I'm going to try and answer a few more of your questions here. Don't worry, I will get all your questions answered by the end of the month. I'm slowly gathering my thoughts for each one and some definitely take more than others, but they will be answered, rest assured. Anyway, here we go:

Question from Jeff:

So why do you have the moniker "ClosetCarGuy"? 

Well, it was mostly because when I started this blog, I was a closeted gay guy who happened to like cars. It was supposed to be a theme that I was planning to run with a little more than I have so far; a bit of an extension of my personality and interests. You can probably bet on seeing more car-related posts this month (did you like yesterday's post? =P ). I also wanted to put it out there since being a car guy is seen as a kind of masculine hobby, and of course the assumption is that masculine =/ gay, so if I can write/share something I love while demonstrating not all gay guys are some sort of stereotype and being a sort of advocate, great.

Along that line, I guess now would be a good time to mention that I also work at a dealership part-time as a detailer/lot guy (it's why the first BEDID was posted late in the day) for some extra cash. It's a great job that satisfies my inner car guy, but I definitely sense that machismo that's in the automotive industry bouncing around sometimes. I’ve heard managers and salespeople refuse to take home cars because they’d “look like a fairy driving it” and I've also heard some pretty off-colour statements about customers' dress or mannerisms or even their partners. I'm a little disappointed that I haven't outed myself there yet to make a bit of a statement, but for one, I don't work there frequently enough; two, turnover's pretty high, so it's hard to build a relationship to trust someone enough; and three, I'm there to work first and foremost, and I'm usually by myself detailing a car anyway. Perhaps in time though. Funny thing is though, I know for a FACT there's another gay guy working there, I'm just not sure if he's out to anyone at work or not.

Question from Kevin: 

How about your preparation for that though mudder thing? Looking like a para trooper by now? lol

Haha, I wish. Nate, Cara and I joined a 5K. running clinic for Cara to start off running and for me to ease back into it (last time I seriously ran was probably 2 years ago). We can probably run 5K pretty consistently now, but that’s nowhere near the 10mi./16K Tough Mudder course, so we’re looking to ramp up to a longer distance running clinic. Ideally, I’d like to be able to run a half-marathon so I can complete the 10 mi. and still have something leftover in the tank to handle the obstacles, but we’ll see if I can make it in time for this year’s event in June.

Nate and I are also supposed to be getting a gym membership at the local community centre so we can do some strength training, which I sorely, sorely need. If anybody's got some good strength training workouts that can be done from home, I'd like to hear them too. It's probably easier to go to the gym and use the equipment though...that is, if I don’t get distracted by other guys’ technique while I’m there :P 

 

Hope you guys are enjoying BEDID so far. Be yourselves and I'll see y'all tomorrow.

Gaymers

It was vacation time this past weekend, and myself, Nate, the Twins and Brian had planned for a weekend full of debauchery, nerdiness and fun at PAX 2012 in Seattle. For those not in the know, PAX is a 3 day video gaming convention complete with discussion panels, lots of free swag, huge exhibits of the latest and greatest new games, and massive rooms of TVs and every video game console you can imagine.

Anyhoo, on our way down, we stopped at the outlet mall to do some shopping. At the end of the trip, Nate and I walked back to the car while the others stopped at one last store. While we were waiting for them, Nate opened up about some conflicts he was having about his family. Once he was finished, I figured it was a better time than any to ask him about Shane. I asked him to do me a favour and bring Shane around more often, and I explained how impressed I was with his handling of the guy at the club and his demeanor once were outside of the club in the car. Nate seemed pretty receptive and he went on to gush about what a level head Shane has, how he's a lot of fun without being too wild and just how much of a great guy he is. Like he really needed to sell me on him more, but whatever. I told Nate that it would be great to have Shane around to get to know him a bit better. Honestly though, just by the way he talked, I'm not sure if Nate really got the clue that I was interested in Shane and I wasn't exactly being subtle either. Hints like this, subtle and not-so-subtle, tend to go over Nate's head, but as long as he brings Shane along to a few more get-togethers, I can try and make a move on the guy.

Back to PAX for a second, one of my favourite parts of the convention (besides being around my friends, playing the new Tomb Raider demo and picking up free stuff) was one of the panels I attended that talked about Gaymers (they're exactly who you think they are) and the history of Gayming. It was a really good mix of sass, gamer/dorkiness, advocacy and boy-talk. One of the more interesting points that was brought up was combatting homophobia while online. Anyone whose played a first-person shooter (*ahem* CALL OF DUTY *ahem*) knows how liberally the word "faggot" and other homophobic slurs are thrown around amongst players. It's a bit of a tricky issue to tackle as well, given that you're around these people for a few minutes until the rounds are done, and poof...they're gone. It's sort of hard to do advocacy under those kind of conditions, and even if you try like a couple of the panelists mentioned, you may incite the wraith of the homophobes. But just like greater society, banding together, having a presence online and having the support of others is crucial to changing that, and that's where Gaymers come in. There's a pretty big community out there (so much so there's a convention specifically for them), which is awesome and I totally need explore more.

On a less serious note, the topic of hottest video game characters also got brought up, and it was a toss-up between Nathan Drake from the Uncharted series and mature Max Payne from Max Payne 3. I'll let you decide:

Same-Sex Marriage Controversy

Caught this on the news this morning:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/story/2012/01/12/pol-harper-same-sex-marriage.html

What’s happening is there’s a controversy brewing after two lesbians, one from Florida and one from the UK, came to Canada to get married back in 2005 and are now seeking a divorce and finding they can’t. Neither the UK or Florida are willing to accept the Canadian marriage, so looking to divorce here and going to court, they’re discovering that 1) they can’t divorce because of a clause in our federal divorce laws that says you must be a resident for a at least a year to get a divorce and 2) the marriage might not even be valid because a lawyer for the feds is arguing that same-sex marriages performed here are only valid if they are recognized by the places where married couples are living. 

Let me first say I’m glad and proud that we have same-sex marriage in this country, and I feel very fortunate to have that option open to me should I choose to go down that road. But its issues and debates like these that make me question getting married in the future. For me, marriage should be a symbol of the love between two people, pure and simple. When you begin talking about divorce, alimony, tax breaks and other bureaucracy, it becomes a bit of a joke and it sort of ruins my definition of marriage. I also feel that there’s that ridiculous “pressure” in society to get married because “that’s what you do” when you’re a couple, and then there’s the added “pressure” for gay couples to take advantage of your rights. I just feel that, today, there’s just way too much of an emphasis in getting married for these ridiculous bureaucratic, legal and social reasons. And so my thought is: why bother getting into this mess? Common-law partnership allows you to be in a loving relationship without the enormous hoopla and pressure of a wedding ceremony, prenups, paperwork, legal definitions and social expectations of a marriage. But I guess it also sways your perception when you have good, successful examples of common-law relationships in your family.  =) 

ANYWAY, back to the article. There are really two issues here: the divorce/residency clause and the validity of same sex marriages performed here for foreigners. I’m by no means an expert on the divorce laws in this country, but I’d assume the residency clause is an non-issue, since, as someone in the CBC comments said, it’s no different from a straight couple getting married in Niagara Falls, going home, then getting screwed trying to get a divorce because they don’t live here.   

What’s a little more disturbing is the validity/invalidity of the marriages performed for foreigners. It’s seems like a slap to the gay rights movement to offer the ability for gays from other countries to come here and marry, only to refuse to acknowledge the marriage just because it isn’t recognized where they live. Why bother performing these marriages then, and just restrict gay marriages to Canadians?? Hopefully that argument doesn’t hold up in court, because I’d like to see Canada set an example and demonstrate the progressiveness and support there should be for the international gay community. Of course, this whole issue wouldn’t really be a problem if the entire world recognized same-sex marriage, but that’s another issue. Lastly, I'm hoping the Conservatives keep their word and don’t reopen the same-sex marriage debate over this, although I’ve been wondering if they would since they gained complete power in May. But, I mean, politicians ALWAYS stay true to their word, right?

PS. Here's some extra reading (with Dan Savage content) & statistics (with pictures!) if you're interested: 

http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/story/2012/01/12/pol-gay-marriage-foreign-reaction.html

http://www.cbc.ca/news/interactives/same-sex-marriage/

So I got to redeem myself...

Now, you might remember this post.

Anyway, this past Friday was a pretty slack day at work...all the bosses were on vacation, we're all caught up on our work for the month and of course, it was the weekend! So it wasn't really any surprise when Angela popped her head into my cubicle to have a little chit chat and waste the afternoon away.

Being Friday, we got to discussing our plans for the weekend...innocent enough. Angela asked me if I ever go clubbing, which I don't (not my thing), and she nodded slowly at my answer and told me I was a "good boy" =P. We got on to talking about how crazy people at clubs can get, and somehow, that got her onto telling me about an incident that had happened that morning.

"Well, you know, this morning, I saw this one guy I always see in the cafeteria...he's.. you know..." she started. At first it didn't click what the hell she was talking about, but as the conversation went on, it was clear we'd be having another frank conversation.