Hey. Long time, no see :-) Let's dive straight into it.
Adam has been a bright spot lately. After a bit of a stretch of not hearing from him, I ran into him leaving work one day a couple of weeks ago. He immediately apologized for not getting a hold of me (sweet, but I felt guilty considering I hadn't made much of an effort either) and offered to go watch a movie during the weekend. We had a great time, but even better was the conversations we had after the movie. We both seem to have the same apprehensions about being tied down by a job, since we have so many places in the world to see and things to do, neither of us feel particularly close to the gay community and wish we both had more gay friends. It was interesting when we came to chat about our love lives (or lack thereof)...poor Adam seems to be resigned to the fact that, at 30, he'll be single forever and says he isn't actively looking for anything. So, instead, he got to live vicariously through me, as I went down the list of guys I had on the go. After that day, I didn't really have the feeling Adam was actively chasing me, he legitimately was looking for another gay friend that he could connect and find something in common with. And honestly, that's what I also felt towards Adam; I felt I could trust him as a friend...he offered me advise and empathy in terms of my job/education, family, friends. And when it came to dating, it didn't seem as if he was asking to pry or scope out the competition, he legitimately wanted to know (if maybe a little in that gossipy, stereotypical gay guy kind of way). Although, since then, we've gone out for a couple more lunches, movies, even biked the Seawall in Stanley Park together, and it's felt a little more date-like. He's paid (to my dismay) for meals and other things, and it's always just us hanging out one-on-one. I'd like to invite him out to something with some of my friends, so they (I've asked Britney WHO IS PROBABLY READING THIS in particular already) can offer a second opinion on what's going on between us. I'm hoping I'm just making too much of this in my head, because he seems like a really approachable and trustworthy guy, but I'd really just want friendship from him and nothing more.
As for Alex, I lost touch with him a couple weeks ago. Prior to that, we hung out when he was back in town, and the mood was a little odd. I guess the infatuation of our first two dates wore off, because one, he was still making the occasional pass at me which I wasn't really okay with, and two, we seemed to run out of conversation topics pretty quickly. I talked to Britney about and she seemed to say that maybe we aren't a good match after all. Aside from our families and talking about work, we really didn't have much to talk about. That's all fine and dandy (my family is pretty damn important to me and I like my job), but we needed more in common than that...I'm just looking for something more. Alex is supposed to be returning to Vancouver a bunch more times this summer, but I'm not holding onto any idea that I might see him again. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. If I'm perfectly honest, Alex showed me that I sort of like the chase in dating (at least to an extent). I kind of enjoyed being centre of attention and being waited on hand and foot; having the door held open for me, being offered a coat if I was cold walking around outside at night, having a hot coffee brought to me. Nice guy, but I don't things will work out.
I also had a couple of hangouts with the 21 year old I met off of OKCupid. He doesn't seem to be going anywhere, so I'll call him Chris. Not too much to say here, I enjoy Chris' company, although he's a bit quiet and still seems a bit nervous around me. He mentioned on that first date he was still in the closet to a bunch of people, which I imagine has a lot to do with it. He seems to be pretty eager to go out hang out with me though, which is cool. I can always use a few more good friends around.
And the last word on Shane. I let things go after my last post, and didn't dwell on why Shane left things like he did. I had a brief little moment a couple weeks back when I got a text from Nate telling me not to be disappointed, but Shane had been accepted into a school elsewhere in the country and would be moving soon. I ended up explaining that Shane had accepted my invite for coffee and then ignored me when I tried to follow up and make arrangements, and perhaps a little upset by the lack of empathy shown by Nate about the situation, I asked him if he had known Shane wasn't into me and purposely kept this from me. He assured me he hadn't, which both sucked and was a relief, since at least his efforts to set us up were sincere, but left so many unanswered questions about the invite to Shane's birthday and the texts saying he liked me. I've got closure now, knowing that Shane's out of the province and that Nate knows what happened and that he wasn't holding out on me, so everything's done and over with.
Anyway, onto what I really wanted to write about tonight. I've been MIA for over a month now and it's because my mental health was less than stellar for a while. Not to say it's perfect now, but at least I've had the motivation/inspiration to write. It started shortly after the whole Shane situation blew over; again, not a world devastating event in any stretch of the mind, but I had my dear confidant Britney leave the country, had to make some important decisions about returning to school (which I am) and other fears abou work. Despite the interactions with Adam, Alex, Chris and everyone around me, everything seemed to compound, and I just started to shut the world out and withdrawal from everything and everyone. I felt empty inside, not really motivated to do much, although I did manage to function (just.). I just went to work, came home, ate, spent a few hours on Youtube or reading, and started the whole process again. That's when the overthinking and being over-critical of myself started to come in. I started to come back in touch with emotions and began to deal with the overwhelming amount of things I had to do at work, my disappointing social life over the past few weeks and trying to motivate myself to participate in the world again. And it all blew up when I attended a suicide prevention workshop to prepare me for a volunteer position at a local LGBT centre I'm planning to take (yes, I'm following through on a goal!). I guess it just drew out my own insecurities and fears about my own mental health and life in general, and that caused a couple of anxiety attacks. I don't know if it's just my natural shy and introverted character, or if it's from being in the closet for so long or something, but I've gotten so good at ignoring and suppressing my feelings, I really only talk about them until it gets really bad (unless it's with Britney or sometimes my mom). I think part of it is because I feel that my problems are so "first-world", I've been blessed with a lot of great things in my life, and there are so many worse things that I could be stressing about, so I figure I should be able to manage these things on my own. I definitely feel better talking about things, but I also feel as if I should have some of my own coping mechanisms that don't involve other people. Painting, yoga, running, something I'm passionate about, and I can't say I really do. It's something that bothers me a little when I'm around people, especially groups of new people. I feel as if I have nothing to talk about, nothing to get excited about. Anyway, I'm still a work in progress, but I've weathered those sort of storms before. Hopefully this will be a short bout of whatever is dragging me down.
Showing posts with label Alex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alex. Show all posts
Sunday, 9 June 2013
Sunday, 21 April 2013
Social Butterfly
I had an impressive run a couple weeks back: two dates in one day. How about that?
Date #1 was with a 21 year old I had met off of OKCupid. We sent a few messages back and forth, and when it seemed like we had a few interests and values in common, I suggested we meet for coffee. He seemed a little surprised that I wanted to meet so early (sidebar: I think we had sent about 5 or 6 messages each when I asked...for those of you who do the online dating-thing, what's your procedure?). But he agreed, and on a sunny Easter Sunday we met up down at the Quay in New Westminster to enjoy the first nice spring day. He was a nice kid; polite, grounded and hard working, and by the sounds of it, just in the beginning stages of finding himself and enjoying life (like a certain someone...). It was a bit of a role reversal from Alex, as I took the reins to organize where we were going, what to do and doing the chivalrous things like holding doors asking if I could get him anything else, etc, which wasn't really a problem because that's what I'm used to anyway.
What I'm not used to is being the chatty one in a group. I'm a pretty shy guy, and unfortunately I wasn't given the gift of gab, but I can definitely make conversation and talk my ass off sometimes. It's just not something that comes naturally though, and it takes me a lot of focus and energy to do, so normally I'm the one listening and giving my input every so often rather than driving the conversation. When I first met him, he definitely came across as a shy guy, and he was definitely nervous, which probably didn't help. He seemed a little apprehensive and avoided eye contact with me initially, politely giving me some short anecdotes, but not much else, so I tried my damndest to be friendly, cordial and chatty. It seemed to slowly pay off, since by the end of the date, I could tell he was getting more comfortable; he's a TA and research student and he more than willingly offered pieces about his research and hobbies without my prompting.
Overall, not a bad date, I think most importantly I proved to myself I'm not as socially inept as I think I am and I can be a pretty talkative, confident guy. As for a second date, maybe...? I like how he's down-to-earth and from what he told me, he's got some neat hobbies and tastes (astronomy & star gazing? Awesome!), but I really need a guy whose more open and chatty than I am. I can't constantly be the talkative in a relationship, otherwise I'll exhaust myself. =P We have been though, chatting on Skype every time I see him online and he seems pretty chatty there, so there may be hope. I also left it open with him and offered to give him a shout when I get a hike together with friends so he can join us. Hopefully maybe he'd warm up a little bit more as we get to know each other better.
Date #2 with Alex however, was a different experience. I went into it with a different mindset than I did the others, after he rather blatantly hit on me over text the last time I had messaged him ("I'd enjoy Netflix a lot more if I had someone to watch it with me..." "If you come down to San Fran, I'd give you a ride in my Scion..." Uh huh...). I wasn't comfortable with what he was saying since it made it seem like he had some expectations for where we were supposed to being going, so I decided I needed to put the brakes on things. Over dinner, he made a few comments about coming to visit him and hang out in San Francisco, but at least it was much more casual and low pressure compared to the texts he was sending. After dinner, we took a walk to enjoy the last of the daylight, and conversation was much more like it had been the first couple of dates. We talked about what was going on in our lives, plans for the rest of the weekend, our future careers, everything and anything, and it all came so naturally. I started to find myself forgetting about the texts that had left a sour taste in my mouth and the worries I had about leading Alex on.
We walked a bit more before deciding to get dessert at a nearby coffee shop. But before we did, I decided to be bad and put Alex on the spot. I straight up asked him where he imagined he would be, relationship-wise, in one year. His answer? As I expected, he wants to be in a long-term relationship, but he wouldn't be upset if it didn't work out; he just wants to find the right guy to settle down with. Naturally, he threw the question back at me and I answered honestly. I told him that, while I'm more geared toward a long-term relationship, but that I'm still new to the dating scene and I just wanted to meet new people, make new friends and see what I'd want in a guy, and if that's where I was in a year still, I'd be okay with that. He tried to start a bit of a conversation about already knowing vaguely what I should want in a guy, as if it was a vague, weak attempt at saying I shouldn't be ignoring what's right in front of me, but I shrugged it off and told him that may be true, but that I'd want to test and see what I like and might not like for myself. By then, I was relieved that I had my feelings about where we should be going off my chest, so much so that I may have overlooked the magnitude of the question "Have you been hanging out with any other guys?". And being bad, I mentioned the Meetup group and how Adam and I had been meeting up for lunch; he seemed a little alarmed, but quickly dropped it as we arrived at the coffee shop.
It's a bit of a shame that his not-so-discrete hitting on me makes me feel uncomfortable around him, because he truly is a nice guy to talk to. I'll be honest when I say that I'm still a little worried about leading Alex on, but at least now it's not like he doesn't know what he's getting into. He didn't run screaming when I said I was only looking for friends right now or when I implied I was seeing other guys, so... And at least now, I feel like I'm back in control of where things are going with him. But now, post-date is where things are getting interesting. Maybe now that we're a little more transparent with what we're both looking for, we're both still somewhat interested and we're back up to texting almost everyday.We're keeping up with what's up in each others' lives (I know he was at a Giants game last night...) and it's nice to be involved in someone's life like that. But for now, all is good and I'm happy (and sane...for the time being.)
Date #1 was with a 21 year old I had met off of OKCupid. We sent a few messages back and forth, and when it seemed like we had a few interests and values in common, I suggested we meet for coffee. He seemed a little surprised that I wanted to meet so early (sidebar: I think we had sent about 5 or 6 messages each when I asked...for those of you who do the online dating-thing, what's your procedure?). But he agreed, and on a sunny Easter Sunday we met up down at the Quay in New Westminster to enjoy the first nice spring day. He was a nice kid; polite, grounded and hard working, and by the sounds of it, just in the beginning stages of finding himself and enjoying life (like a certain someone...). It was a bit of a role reversal from Alex, as I took the reins to organize where we were going, what to do and doing the chivalrous things like holding doors asking if I could get him anything else, etc, which wasn't really a problem because that's what I'm used to anyway.
What I'm not used to is being the chatty one in a group. I'm a pretty shy guy, and unfortunately I wasn't given the gift of gab, but I can definitely make conversation and talk my ass off sometimes. It's just not something that comes naturally though, and it takes me a lot of focus and energy to do, so normally I'm the one listening and giving my input every so often rather than driving the conversation. When I first met him, he definitely came across as a shy guy, and he was definitely nervous, which probably didn't help. He seemed a little apprehensive and avoided eye contact with me initially, politely giving me some short anecdotes, but not much else, so I tried my damndest to be friendly, cordial and chatty. It seemed to slowly pay off, since by the end of the date, I could tell he was getting more comfortable; he's a TA and research student and he more than willingly offered pieces about his research and hobbies without my prompting.
Overall, not a bad date, I think most importantly I proved to myself I'm not as socially inept as I think I am and I can be a pretty talkative, confident guy. As for a second date, maybe...? I like how he's down-to-earth and from what he told me, he's got some neat hobbies and tastes (astronomy & star gazing? Awesome!), but I really need a guy whose more open and chatty than I am. I can't constantly be the talkative in a relationship, otherwise I'll exhaust myself. =P We have been though, chatting on Skype every time I see him online and he seems pretty chatty there, so there may be hope. I also left it open with him and offered to give him a shout when I get a hike together with friends so he can join us. Hopefully maybe he'd warm up a little bit more as we get to know each other better.
Date #2 with Alex however, was a different experience. I went into it with a different mindset than I did the others, after he rather blatantly hit on me over text the last time I had messaged him ("I'd enjoy Netflix a lot more if I had someone to watch it with me..." "If you come down to San Fran, I'd give you a ride in my Scion..." Uh huh...). I wasn't comfortable with what he was saying since it made it seem like he had some expectations for where we were supposed to being going, so I decided I needed to put the brakes on things. Over dinner, he made a few comments about coming to visit him and hang out in San Francisco, but at least it was much more casual and low pressure compared to the texts he was sending. After dinner, we took a walk to enjoy the last of the daylight, and conversation was much more like it had been the first couple of dates. We talked about what was going on in our lives, plans for the rest of the weekend, our future careers, everything and anything, and it all came so naturally. I started to find myself forgetting about the texts that had left a sour taste in my mouth and the worries I had about leading Alex on.
We walked a bit more before deciding to get dessert at a nearby coffee shop. But before we did, I decided to be bad and put Alex on the spot. I straight up asked him where he imagined he would be, relationship-wise, in one year. His answer? As I expected, he wants to be in a long-term relationship, but he wouldn't be upset if it didn't work out; he just wants to find the right guy to settle down with. Naturally, he threw the question back at me and I answered honestly. I told him that, while I'm more geared toward a long-term relationship, but that I'm still new to the dating scene and I just wanted to meet new people, make new friends and see what I'd want in a guy, and if that's where I was in a year still, I'd be okay with that. He tried to start a bit of a conversation about already knowing vaguely what I should want in a guy, as if it was a vague, weak attempt at saying I shouldn't be ignoring what's right in front of me, but I shrugged it off and told him that may be true, but that I'd want to test and see what I like and might not like for myself. By then, I was relieved that I had my feelings about where we should be going off my chest, so much so that I may have overlooked the magnitude of the question "Have you been hanging out with any other guys?". And being bad, I mentioned the Meetup group and how Adam and I had been meeting up for lunch; he seemed a little alarmed, but quickly dropped it as we arrived at the coffee shop.
It's a bit of a shame that his not-so-discrete hitting on me makes me feel uncomfortable around him, because he truly is a nice guy to talk to. I'll be honest when I say that I'm still a little worried about leading Alex on, but at least now it's not like he doesn't know what he's getting into. He didn't run screaming when I said I was only looking for friends right now or when I implied I was seeing other guys, so... And at least now, I feel like I'm back in control of where things are going with him. But now, post-date is where things are getting interesting. Maybe now that we're a little more transparent with what we're both looking for, we're both still somewhat interested and we're back up to texting almost everyday.We're keeping up with what's up in each others' lives (I know he was at a Giants game last night...) and it's nice to be involved in someone's life like that. But for now, all is good and I'm happy (and sane...for the time being.)
Sunday, 24 March 2013
Possibly Platonic...?
After he dropped off the planet, I decided to give Meetup guy, Adam, one last text before I wrote him off. And surprisingly, he responded back with an apology, saying he had only returned from his trip overseas visiting family and had been busy catching up on the backlog of work that had accumulated in his absence. Oops...I felt a little bad about my patience running short with him, but the lunch date we had a few weeks ago made up for it.
It was a simple enough get together, since he only works about 3 blocks away from my office. We grabbed takeout from a nearby Italian bistro and enjoyed one of the first few sunny spring days here. Even though I call it a lunch date, it wasn't a "date" in the sense it was with Alex; we each paid for our own meals and there wasn't really the tension and pressure there was meeting with Alex. It felt like I could've been meeting one of The Guys or Britney or Lindsay for lunch. In comparison to Alex, Adam isn't quite as open about his emotions as Alex (ex. Adam and I haven't talked about coming out, or his relationship with his family all that much vs. Alex), but I like that Adam is way more laid back, optimistic and carefree. We love talking movies, food, travel and hanging out with friends, and we can spend our whole lunch hour talking about that sort of stuff.
Speaking of movies, he invited me to a follow-up hang out the following Saturday to go see the new Wizard of Oz movie. He was originally planning to go with some of his friends the week before, but since they bailed on him, his plans changed. At first, I thought his friends would show up with us since they had bailed previously, but no...it was just me and him, and since he had some leftover movie tickets, he took care of it for me. Hmmmm. Despite that, it still didn't exactly have that feel of a date; again Adam didn't really press and make a conscious effort to make small talk during coffee afterwards like Alex did in order to get to know me. It was much more casual feeling and the conversation flowed pretty naturally. Anyway, apparently I owe him a lunch now, so I'll be seeing him again soon.
I'm still not sure exactly what you would define what's going on between us, but I'm enjoying the more relaxed interaction between Adam and I. And because of that, things feel a lot more platonic, which I'm more than happy about. I can see Adam being a better friend to me than a boyfriend. It'd be great to have a gay friend that I can gossip about guys to =P I never thought I would, but I kind of enjoy this dating/getting-to-know-new-guys thing...I'm actually getting a feel for what I like and enjoy in a boyfriend.
And speaking of Alex...he's going to be back in Vancouver next week, and he's already asked if I'm available to hang out. I'm totally down to hang out, but at the same time, I'm nervous. We've been texting back and forth pretty consistently back and forth for about a month now, and I have this sinking feeling he's ready to make a move. During the last text conversation he had, he made several blatant passes at me, which while flattering, were super awkward. I felt bad shutting him down or being wishy-washy. We also had an awkward exchange, in which he made it sound like he I'm just having too good of a time trying to meet and hang out with these guys, and I don't think I'm ready to commit to anything just yet. But I won't get ahead of myself, lets wait till he gets here and see what happens.
It was a simple enough get together, since he only works about 3 blocks away from my office. We grabbed takeout from a nearby Italian bistro and enjoyed one of the first few sunny spring days here. Even though I call it a lunch date, it wasn't a "date" in the sense it was with Alex; we each paid for our own meals and there wasn't really the tension and pressure there was meeting with Alex. It felt like I could've been meeting one of The Guys or Britney or Lindsay for lunch. In comparison to Alex, Adam isn't quite as open about his emotions as Alex (ex. Adam and I haven't talked about coming out, or his relationship with his family all that much vs. Alex), but I like that Adam is way more laid back, optimistic and carefree. We love talking movies, food, travel and hanging out with friends, and we can spend our whole lunch hour talking about that sort of stuff.
Speaking of movies, he invited me to a follow-up hang out the following Saturday to go see the new Wizard of Oz movie. He was originally planning to go with some of his friends the week before, but since they bailed on him, his plans changed. At first, I thought his friends would show up with us since they had bailed previously, but no...it was just me and him, and since he had some leftover movie tickets, he took care of it for me. Hmmmm. Despite that, it still didn't exactly have that feel of a date; again Adam didn't really press and make a conscious effort to make small talk during coffee afterwards like Alex did in order to get to know me. It was much more casual feeling and the conversation flowed pretty naturally. Anyway, apparently I owe him a lunch now, so I'll be seeing him again soon.
I'm still not sure exactly what you would define what's going on between us, but I'm enjoying the more relaxed interaction between Adam and I. And because of that, things feel a lot more platonic, which I'm more than happy about. I can see Adam being a better friend to me than a boyfriend. It'd be great to have a gay friend that I can gossip about guys to =P I never thought I would, but I kind of enjoy this dating/getting-to-know-new-guys thing...I'm actually getting a feel for what I like and enjoy in a boyfriend.
And speaking of Alex...he's going to be back in Vancouver next week, and he's already asked if I'm available to hang out. I'm totally down to hang out, but at the same time, I'm nervous. We've been texting back and forth pretty consistently back and forth for about a month now, and I have this sinking feeling he's ready to make a move. During the last text conversation he had, he made several blatant passes at me, which while flattering, were super awkward. I felt bad shutting him down or being wishy-washy. We also had an awkward exchange, in which he made it sound like he I'm just having too good of a time trying to meet and hang out with these guys, and I don't think I'm ready to commit to anything just yet. But I won't get ahead of myself, lets wait till he gets here and see what happens.
Monday, 25 February 2013
What's Shakin', Bakin'?
Ugh, naming these random update posts is hard. Anyway, important things first, the boys:
Alex and I have slowed our texting back and forth a bit; we're down to about every 3-4 days now. At first it was a little disconcerning since it was quite the drop from texting everyday, but also a bit of a relief because it slowed the pace down to a level that soothed my fears of leading him on too early. He always came through and made first contact, though. It's flattering to know that he's still interested, and admittedly, I am too since I decided to make first contact after one or two of those couple day stretches out of concern. I'd like to think that he's still super interested and someone had just warned him not to be too clingy, but I won't toot my horn too loudly :P The conversations we have still aren't that notable...we just talk about our day/weekend, what we did, what we ate, pretty mundane shit. And I don't mind, I think that's what made/makes my relationships with people like Lindsay and Britney so enjoyable and easy, to just be able to shoot the shit so easily, and that's what I'm looking for in a relationship, so maybe, just maybe...
As for Shane, there's *very* gradual progress, although I'm still keeping my hopes up. I'm planning to dedicate an entire post to it, but these little glimmers of hope keep popping up and I keep delaying the post to see where they go. Sorry. But the bottom line: I think Nate gets it now, but whether he does anything or not to help me remains to be seen.
Meetup guy has been a bit of a bust, and I wasn't even aiming for anything else than friends with him :( After our very first lunch back in January, he texted me that he'd be up for another lunch soon. A week later I got an apologetic text saying he was busy with work with a promise to meet up soon. And then I got another like that the week after, and the week after. And then I got a text saying he was leaving the country on a whim to visit his family...that was two weeks ago. Strange, and I hope he's okay. On the list of things to do: check in with him.
Awkward OkCupid guy actually turned out to be a little bit less frustrating than I thought. I gave him a chance and added him on Skype and while still a little awkward, he seems to mean well and I still get the impression he's trying to figure his life out and just needs someone to talk to.
And Mr. Casting Director Co-worker...really nothing to say about him. I hear my sister's accompanying him to a lot of his fancy work events, but not much else.
In general, life's been pretty good. Still some up's and down's, but I'm generally in a good place. After working 6 days a week for a long time, and having classes and work eating up my time before that, it's been a bit of a struggle to actually fill my time with hobbies and things I actually enjoy. I've been enjoying reading the Bourne series (they're some of my favourite movies, so it only made sense I read the books!), playing volleyball (when it's not injuring my back...), wall-climbing and spending time with friends. Oh, and I washed my car for the first time in a good couple months, so it's back to it's shiny, new glory. I was all ready to do a big detail job like I did last year too, until the cold water froze my hand, the clouds rolled in and the wind blew tree debris all over my car, reminding me it's still the middle of February in Vancouver. Guess it'll have to wait till spring.
That's all for now, but I've got a couple vlogs in mind that I've been itching to do...it's just a matter of finding a better camera, so stay tuned...
Alex and I have slowed our texting back and forth a bit; we're down to about every 3-4 days now. At first it was a little disconcerning since it was quite the drop from texting everyday, but also a bit of a relief because it slowed the pace down to a level that soothed my fears of leading him on too early. He always came through and made first contact, though. It's flattering to know that he's still interested, and admittedly, I am too since I decided to make first contact after one or two of those couple day stretches out of concern. I'd like to think that he's still super interested and someone had just warned him not to be too clingy, but I won't toot my horn too loudly :P The conversations we have still aren't that notable...we just talk about our day/weekend, what we did, what we ate, pretty mundane shit. And I don't mind, I think that's what made/makes my relationships with people like Lindsay and Britney so enjoyable and easy, to just be able to shoot the shit so easily, and that's what I'm looking for in a relationship, so maybe, just maybe...
As for Shane, there's *very* gradual progress, although I'm still keeping my hopes up. I'm planning to dedicate an entire post to it, but these little glimmers of hope keep popping up and I keep delaying the post to see where they go. Sorry. But the bottom line: I think Nate gets it now, but whether he does anything or not to help me remains to be seen.
Meetup guy has been a bit of a bust, and I wasn't even aiming for anything else than friends with him :( After our very first lunch back in January, he texted me that he'd be up for another lunch soon. A week later I got an apologetic text saying he was busy with work with a promise to meet up soon. And then I got another like that the week after, and the week after. And then I got a text saying he was leaving the country on a whim to visit his family...that was two weeks ago. Strange, and I hope he's okay. On the list of things to do: check in with him.
Awkward OkCupid guy actually turned out to be a little bit less frustrating than I thought. I gave him a chance and added him on Skype and while still a little awkward, he seems to mean well and I still get the impression he's trying to figure his life out and just needs someone to talk to.
And Mr. Casting Director Co-worker...really nothing to say about him. I hear my sister's accompanying him to a lot of his fancy work events, but not much else.
In general, life's been pretty good. Still some up's and down's, but I'm generally in a good place. After working 6 days a week for a long time, and having classes and work eating up my time before that, it's been a bit of a struggle to actually fill my time with hobbies and things I actually enjoy. I've been enjoying reading the Bourne series (they're some of my favourite movies, so it only made sense I read the books!), playing volleyball (when it's not injuring my back...), wall-climbing and spending time with friends. Oh, and I washed my car for the first time in a good couple months, so it's back to it's shiny, new glory. I was all ready to do a big detail job like I did last year too, until the cold water froze my hand, the clouds rolled in and the wind blew tree debris all over my car, reminding me it's still the middle of February in Vancouver. Guess it'll have to wait till spring.
That's all for now, but I've got a couple vlogs in mind that I've been itching to do...it's just a matter of finding a better camera, so stay tuned...
Monday, 11 February 2013
I Might be Addicted
Oh god, what is wrong with me?
In between our dates and since he's left, I've been texting back and forth with Alex, and it's just the most random stuff we'll talk about. It's funny, my friends have heard me rave about this guy, but yet I can't even tell them what we talk about and why that makes me excited, since it's so mundane. He'll check in on me to see how I'm doing, we'll talk about our plans for the day, hell, even what we're having for lunch. And I can't help but feel a bit giddy and let a smile creep across my face when I see the LED on my phone blink. It's seriously a struggle...he keeps talking about things he wants to do the next time he's back in Vancouver, how he wants to spend more time here, and then he asks me if I'd spend some of that time with him. I say, maybe a little too enthusiastically, that I'd definitely like to hang out again and end up wondering what the hell I'm doing. I know I could stop talking or try to end the conversation, but I can't help it, I don't want to.
It wasn't supposed to go this way, at least not this quickly. I'm sitting here, writing the third post in three days about this guy, wondering what happened to taking things slowly, meeting new people and making friends first before getting into any sort of relationship. Part of me is saying, hit the brakes and stop leading this guy on, there's still sooo many more guys to date, so why start a relationship with the very first date now? Besides, it's only been two dates! What are you doing?! The other side says this feels so right, that he's a really sweet guy and I remind myself that I can connect with him in a way that I can with only a select few people.
I'm both impressed and completely astounded with myself. This is absolutely crazy.
In between our dates and since he's left, I've been texting back and forth with Alex, and it's just the most random stuff we'll talk about. It's funny, my friends have heard me rave about this guy, but yet I can't even tell them what we talk about and why that makes me excited, since it's so mundane. He'll check in on me to see how I'm doing, we'll talk about our plans for the day, hell, even what we're having for lunch. And I can't help but feel a bit giddy and let a smile creep across my face when I see the LED on my phone blink. It's seriously a struggle...he keeps talking about things he wants to do the next time he's back in Vancouver, how he wants to spend more time here, and then he asks me if I'd spend some of that time with him. I say, maybe a little too enthusiastically, that I'd definitely like to hang out again and end up wondering what the hell I'm doing. I know I could stop talking or try to end the conversation, but I can't help it, I don't want to.
It wasn't supposed to go this way, at least not this quickly. I'm sitting here, writing the third post in three days about this guy, wondering what happened to taking things slowly, meeting new people and making friends first before getting into any sort of relationship. Part of me is saying, hit the brakes and stop leading this guy on, there's still sooo many more guys to date, so why start a relationship with the very first date now? Besides, it's only been two dates! What are you doing?! The other side says this feels so right, that he's a really sweet guy and I remind myself that I can connect with him in a way that I can with only a select few people.
I'm both impressed and completely astounded with myself. This is absolutely crazy.
Conflicted
Despite us only having messaged each other back and forth, Alex seems to be picking up on my personality and likes pretty quickly, which was reflected in our second date, which involved us getting gelato, realizing there were no seats in the cafe, and us sitting in his car talking. Regardless, I still I had a great time and even appreciated the simplicity and intimacy of just talking in the car.
Saturday, 9 February 2013
First-First Date
Well, if I wasn't dating before, I definitely am now. Alex, the Vancouver transplant from San Francisco I met on OkCupid messaged me during the week asking to meet up while he was in town this weekend. And, for something different, I decided to go for it.
By all accounts, things should've gone awkwardly. I had a pretty significant anxiety attack this week and wasn't feeling too confident in my sociability, and not having a coffee for a week made me pretty jittery and nervous, as if I wasn't already in preparation for what was an actual date in my mind. But it's amazing what the right person can do. He was really easy to talk to, and despite my nerves, we never really dropped conversation. We seem to share the same values, like closeness with family, friends and dedication to self-improvement. Even where we are in life seems somewhat similar; we're both mostly out to our friends and family and we're looking to enrich our relationships with people. We share a similar outlook on life (cheerful, or at least trying to make it that way) and while initially I didn't think he was my type, in person he was pretty cute.
One of the things I wasn't used to was being on the receiving end of chivalry. As soon as I arrived at the coffee shop, he offered to buy me a coffee and as soon as I was done that, he offered to get up and get me a mug of hot water. And at the end, just as we were about to depart, he gave my arm a bit of a caress, which I wasn't used to. I guess because normally I'm the guy to take charge and take care of my friends, it was a little odd to sit back and have this guy wait on me. Not to say it felt awkward, it was actually nice for a change, it just felt...foreign.
Now, I'm not sure where he wants to take this, but he's definitely looking for a boyfriend. In our conversation about our extended families and coming out, he mentioned that he was catching flack from his grandmother for not seeing someone and how at 30, he's really the last one out of his cousins and siblings to not being someone over to family dinners. He seemed pretty hopeful that that trend would end soon. We also talked about moving out and being independent, so I inadvertently asked him if he would ever consider moving back to Vancouver. Even though most of his job prospects are down in California, he would consider coming back for his family, a decent job...and the right guy. Definitely for the right guy. Hmmm. I'm curious to see where he wants to go with this, and whether he would be okay with the glacial pace that I would like to see. In the meantime, I'll keep my options open.
So overall, a pretty solid first date; and it must've been in his eyes too since he asked me for a second date before he flies back to San Francisco on Monday =)
By all accounts, things should've gone awkwardly. I had a pretty significant anxiety attack this week and wasn't feeling too confident in my sociability, and not having a coffee for a week made me pretty jittery and nervous, as if I wasn't already in preparation for what was an actual date in my mind. But it's amazing what the right person can do. He was really easy to talk to, and despite my nerves, we never really dropped conversation. We seem to share the same values, like closeness with family, friends and dedication to self-improvement. Even where we are in life seems somewhat similar; we're both mostly out to our friends and family and we're looking to enrich our relationships with people. We share a similar outlook on life (cheerful, or at least trying to make it that way) and while initially I didn't think he was my type, in person he was pretty cute.
One of the things I wasn't used to was being on the receiving end of chivalry. As soon as I arrived at the coffee shop, he offered to buy me a coffee and as soon as I was done that, he offered to get up and get me a mug of hot water. And at the end, just as we were about to depart, he gave my arm a bit of a caress, which I wasn't used to. I guess because normally I'm the guy to take charge and take care of my friends, it was a little odd to sit back and have this guy wait on me. Not to say it felt awkward, it was actually nice for a change, it just felt...foreign.
Now, I'm not sure where he wants to take this, but he's definitely looking for a boyfriend. In our conversation about our extended families and coming out, he mentioned that he was catching flack from his grandmother for not seeing someone and how at 30, he's really the last one out of his cousins and siblings to not being someone over to family dinners. He seemed pretty hopeful that that trend would end soon. We also talked about moving out and being independent, so I inadvertently asked him if he would ever consider moving back to Vancouver. Even though most of his job prospects are down in California, he would consider coming back for his family, a decent job...and the right guy. Definitely for the right guy. Hmmm. I'm curious to see where he wants to go with this, and whether he would be okay with the glacial pace that I would like to see. In the meantime, I'll keep my options open.
So overall, a pretty solid first date; and it must've been in his eyes too since he asked me for a second date before he flies back to San Francisco on Monday =)
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