BEDID - Day 8 - Week Update

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And like that, the first week of December and BEDID is done. Crazy. Anyway, quick post tonight just to clean up some loose ends from the week that didn't really fit in with any of the posts this week.

I went to the local library this week in an attempt to make reading fun again (thanks a lot school...), and picked up a few books to finish this month. The first one, and speaking of school, is called Dude, You're a Fag by C.J. Pascoe. It's an ethnography, meaning the author went into a NorCal high school and interacted with the kids to find out how masculinity is constructed in high school and put it into a book. I decided to pick it up just to see how it parallels with my buddies and us being in high school, plus it kinda has to do with school. I haven't gotten too far into, but so far...it's like reading one of my sociology textbooks (and here I was thinking I would get away from school), but I skimmed ahead and it seems like there's some neat stories and anecdotes, so fingers crossed it gets better. I also picked up The Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum, which I've been meaning to read for a long time, and I won't lie, it's partly because of the movies .The last one is My Two Moms by Zach Wahls, which discusses his experiences growing up having two moms. You might remember him his speech to the Iowa House of Representatives:

Besides that, I also got to hang out with Britney this week, which is always a lot of fun. She recently picked up the new Hitman game, which is amazing by the way. I'm usually pretty bad at stealth games (I have no patience), but I really enjoyed playing this one. There's so much flexibility in how to take down your targets, Britney was amazed when we each replayed a few levels she had done and found ways of taking the targets down that she had never considered. I still have some work to do though...I've gotta learn not to freak out when I'm spotted and start killing everything that moves...that strategy doesn't work so well in stealth games.

Not holding my breath, but while we were hanging out, she mentioned a mutual friend of ours whose coming back from school to visit with a friend of hers who happens to play for our team. Britney seemed excited at the idea of getting us together to hang out...and she also mentioned later in the week that she's been actively searching out dudes for me. Props to her :). My sister and I have also toyed with the idea of going to a gay bar that her casting director co-worker had recommended to her...provided that he gets to come along too. Hmmm.

Anyway, that's all for now. Be yourselves guys.

BEDID - Day 7 - Family

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It's sort of late, I know. Sorry. Tomorrow's will probably be a little late too.

But I have to disclose something: I’m Chinese-Canadian. Born and raised here in Vancouver, like my mom, which means I’m pretty white-washed. I haven’t mentioned it in the blog before because it only really becomes important once I talk about me drinking (which I don’t reeeeeallly want to blog about, but probably will at some point anyway =P) or family, like I will here. While I’m out to my immediate family, my extended family doesn’t know about my sexual orientation. Part of it is sort of my fault, and part of it, I’m relying on my parents due to the language barrier between my grandparents.

My mom’s side of the family I don’t really have a concern about, and in fact, I have some suspicions about two of my cousins (more about that later). All my aunts, uncles and cousins are all non-religious and liberal, so no concern there. In fact, this side of my family’s seen just about every sort of relationship curve-ball that could be thrown. Inter-racial couples? So 30 years ago. Cousin that reminds us younger cousins she’s paved the way by having kids out of wedlock with a dirty hippy? Yup. Divorce? Got that covered too. Unless someone in my family is trans or polyamorous, being gay is probably one of the last “non-traditional” relationships they’ll have to tackle. The reason why I’m not out to them is mostly because they’re all a pretty loud, outgoing bunch, whereas I’m a lot quieter and I find it easier just to slip into the background at family get-togethers, so it never really gets brought up.  It’s something I’m working on. As for my grandparents on this side of the family, they aren’t the hardcore traditional Chinese grandparents; while they probably won’t understand me being gay, they’ll accept it. This is also partly on my mom too, since I don’t speak Chinese and my grandparents don’t speak great English, so it’s partly up to her how and when she wants to do it, since she’ll have to deal with the aftermath.

My dad’s side of the family is the complete opposite of my mom’s family, it’s sort of weird. They’re much more stoic, don’t communicate very well, if at all and they’re a lot more traditional than my mom’s side of the family is. I’ve been asked in the past by my aunt if I have a girlfriend (sigh.). I know it sounds terrible, but if I were to come out and be disowned from that side of the family, I wouldn’t be too disappointed. The family dynamics on my dad’s side of the family are just too awkward and not very warm, and I just don’t feel all that close with them, so it wouldn’t be a huge loss in my mind, sadly. Despite all this, I don’t get the feeling I’ll be disowned, but I’m sort of prepping my self just in case.

Best case scenario coming out to both sides of the family would to have a boyfriend to bring along to family get-togethers. Sends a pretty clear message.

BEDID - Day 6 - The Future

Got a question or topic you want to see blogged in December? Email me or post it here. 


You've got questions? I've got more answers. 

Question from Ethan:

Where do you see your self in ten years? 

 

Well, in ten years I’ll be 33, closing in on 34. Ideally, I would like to have travelled the world a bit, maybe have had a few (or more than) hookups and just generally had time to enjoy myself and do what I want. As for a career, I’d like to be a case worker for an adoption agency or some other administrative position in a social service (and hopefully I didn’t have to suffer through too much school to get there). I wouldn’t need a huge salary (I don’t really need the mansion or BMW), just something large enough to have a comfortable living for myself and my partner.

Speaking of which, by then I would like to have been with my special guy (hopefully my ideal??) for a few years, and I hope we’d be really settling down together, like having a home together or maybe getting married (or not). If we didn’t have a kid already, I’d want to be seriously talking about having one and going through the processes by then.

But that’s an ideal. Five years ago, I would have told you I was going to be a financial planner with my nice business major, have a nice house and car, a cute wife and kids. And that’s all turned out quite well. Point is, I’ve come to realize that you never know what life is going to give you, so I’m not too wrapped up on my ideal, but a boy can dream, right?

Question from Kevin: 

Are you only looking for a slowly develloping long term 'decent' relationship, or would you take your chance on something you know wont last but would be fun when the occasion happens? 

Honestly, I’m really taking things as I go. Ultimately, I’m kind of old-fashioned in that the end goal is to end up in a long term monogamous relationship, and if I meet someone, we hit it off and get serious, great. But for now, I’d really rather just go out, make friends and have fun.

I’ve actually discussed this before in pretty good depth with Brian. He met his very first girlfriend when he was 19 and we were in our second year of university and they’ve been together ever since. Even though he’s very happy in his relationship and wouldn’t trade it for the world, he’s expressed to me when I bring up wanting to be in a relationship about how he really wishes that he had taken the time to play the field a bit more, and being a good buddy, he really wants that for me too. And he’s got a point, if I’m going to end up in a long-term, serious relationship, I’ve got the rest of my life for that. Might as well have some fun when I’m young, right?

I’m not exactly sure what you consider fun Kevin, but I suppose that’s a relative thing. I would probably consider dating a guy who wants to go out and meet up with friends for dinner every night or travel the world with me or is super passionate, even though I knew it probably wouldn’t work out because he hates his family or has no ambition, etc. although I think it really depends on the situation. I don’t think I’d drag it out too long if that were the case, but I’m trying to learn not to write things off just because and to go for the experience of it all, since you never know. Maybe I’ll get over it whatever “dealbreaker” he has. The only real deal killers are excessive alcohol or drug use and the “whole party” lifestyle; I don’t get any joy out of that, so it won’t be worth my time to be with someone into that kind of lifestyle.

BEDID - Day 5 - My Dream Garage

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Question from JP: 

So what's your dream garage? Say top 5 picks regardless of price.  

I stuck to new cars to keep it easy. (All images courtesy of insideline.com):

Aston Martin V8 Vantage Roadster - Speed, Style & Class.

Ford F-150 Raptor - Camping, offroading, dune running machine.

Tesla Model S - To satisfy my inner environmentalist & off set the Raptor above.

Mercedes E63 AMG Wagon - Roadtrip car, of course.

Mazda MX-5 Miata - Not to perpetuate any stereotypes or anything, but I want a canyon carver.

-Matt

BEDID - Day 4 - You Ask, I Tell, Part 1

Got a question or topic you want to see blogged in December? Email me or post it here.

Hey guys, first off I really wanted to thank those of you who have sent in questions. You would not believe how much easier and thought-provoking it is to write on a specific topic coming from people other than myself! It makes the whole blog-everyday thing so much more manageable. Please keep them coming!

And speaking of which, I'm going to try and answer a few more of your questions here. Don't worry, I will get all your questions answered by the end of the month. I'm slowly gathering my thoughts for each one and some definitely take more than others, but they will be answered, rest assured. Anyway, here we go:

Question from Jeff:

So why do you have the moniker "ClosetCarGuy"? 

Well, it was mostly because when I started this blog, I was a closeted gay guy who happened to like cars. It was supposed to be a theme that I was planning to run with a little more than I have so far; a bit of an extension of my personality and interests. You can probably bet on seeing more car-related posts this month (did you like yesterday's post? =P ). I also wanted to put it out there since being a car guy is seen as a kind of masculine hobby, and of course the assumption is that masculine =/ gay, so if I can write/share something I love while demonstrating not all gay guys are some sort of stereotype and being a sort of advocate, great.

Along that line, I guess now would be a good time to mention that I also work at a dealership part-time as a detailer/lot guy (it's why the first BEDID was posted late in the day) for some extra cash. It's a great job that satisfies my inner car guy, but I definitely sense that machismo that's in the automotive industry bouncing around sometimes. I’ve heard managers and salespeople refuse to take home cars because they’d “look like a fairy driving it” and I've also heard some pretty off-colour statements about customers' dress or mannerisms or even their partners. I'm a little disappointed that I haven't outed myself there yet to make a bit of a statement, but for one, I don't work there frequently enough; two, turnover's pretty high, so it's hard to build a relationship to trust someone enough; and three, I'm there to work first and foremost, and I'm usually by myself detailing a car anyway. Perhaps in time though. Funny thing is though, I know for a FACT there's another gay guy working there, I'm just not sure if he's out to anyone at work or not.

Question from Kevin: 

How about your preparation for that though mudder thing? Looking like a para trooper by now? lol

Haha, I wish. Nate, Cara and I joined a 5K. running clinic for Cara to start off running and for me to ease back into it (last time I seriously ran was probably 2 years ago). We can probably run 5K pretty consistently now, but that’s nowhere near the 10mi./16K Tough Mudder course, so we’re looking to ramp up to a longer distance running clinic. Ideally, I’d like to be able to run a half-marathon so I can complete the 10 mi. and still have something leftover in the tank to handle the obstacles, but we’ll see if I can make it in time for this year’s event in June.

Nate and I are also supposed to be getting a gym membership at the local community centre so we can do some strength training, which I sorely, sorely need. If anybody's got some good strength training workouts that can be done from home, I'd like to hear them too. It's probably easier to go to the gym and use the equipment though...that is, if I don’t get distracted by other guys’ technique while I’m there :P 

 

Hope you guys are enjoying BEDID so far. Be yourselves and I'll see y'all tomorrow.